Archive for the ‘Vladimir Schlick’ Category

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Staccato Mamba: Welcome back to Got To Keep the Loonies on The Path, the best Sims blog on the web. You love GTKTLOTP. It is much better than Cats. You are going to read it again and again.

Um, what are you doing?

S. M.: Nothing.

You’re creepy.

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In case you missed Darlene Kent, here she is again. In case you didn’t miss her, well fine. She didn’t miss you either!

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Kent Kent is getting off work at his not suspicious at all warehouse.

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Cop: No, it’s very suspicious. In fact, Belisama told us exactly what you were up to. Come with me, Mr. Kent.

Kent: My own wife ratted me out? What the hell.

Cop: Wait, I just got another call. Wait right here, I’ll be back to arrest you later.

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Kent: OK.

You’re actually gonna just wait there?

Kent: You have to do what the police say.

Some future Emperor of Evil you are.

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Vlad: Hey Kent, what’s up?

Kent: I’m waiting for the police to come get me.

Vlad: Really? Why not just shoot them or something? Or even better, just leave?

Kent: That would be wrong.

Vlad: You’ve read your job description right?

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Belly: Ha ha, I got my stupid boring husband arrested.

Harley: I like dancing!

Harley, that’s all you ever do, dance like a moron, and I’m sick of it.

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There, I sold your stereo.

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Harley: Party pooper.

Look, you made Belisama dance until she couldn’t stay awake. You should be ashamed of yourself. How old are you now anyway?

Harley: My thing says 100 days. But it’s said that for weeks now.

He is never going to die. Let this be a lesson simmers, don’t let your sims become mummies.

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Hungry: Hey Kent, I came to see if I could flirt with you, and maybe you’d rather woohoo than stand in the sun and rot.

Kent: Aren’t we related?

Hungry: Bah, who keeps track of that stuff.

I know the Sims doesn’t, I’d make a family tree if the game didn’t go around deleting the in game one before I could remember who was who. But I think Hungry, is Clarka’s daughter, and Kent is Clark’s grandson and Ethan was Hungry’s first cousin, so Kent and Hungry are first cousins once removed. So that makes Rabid and Staccato Mamba second cousins once removed to each other. And I’m my own grandpa.

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Kent: Hmm, I can smell my own flesh burning. I hope that cop comes back soon.

He really had “Wait” and “Jail” locked in his queue and I couldn’t delete it. I guess I could have reset him, but it’s only Kent.

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Hungry: Lady, I’m sorry I cheated on you last chapter.

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Lady: That’s ok. Do I know you? Are you the nurse who gives me my pudding? Let’s make out.

Hungry: Old people rock.

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Lady: I’ve been to the moon!

Hungry: Then again, senility gets old fast, I’m out of here.

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Hey, where’d Kent go? I guess he got tired of waiting. He left behind a mess though.

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Oh. I guess that mess IS Kent.

Death: I THINK THIS IS MY DUMBEST CUSTOMER EVER.

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Kent looks cooler as a ghost, though.

Death: DO YOU THINK IF I TOLD HIM TO WAIT FOR ME TO COME BACK HE WOULD STAND HERE FOREVER?

Yeah, but that would be a lot like shooting fish in a barrel.

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Bunny Vampire Toddler has no idea her daddy just died. Or that she’s about to become an orphan because…

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Cop: Belisama Kent! You are under arrest! Just wait there a moment though.

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Belly: I don’t think so!

Like I was going to let the cops kill off ALL my vampires.

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Belly, what the hell are you driving?

Belly: My lemon car.

Hellz no. I didn’t earn over 2 million simoleons for my family so you could drive POS cars.

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Belly: Maybe a drink at The Prosper Room will help me get over my husband’s death.

You mean the husband you ratted out to the police?

Belly: Shut up.

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Pianist: And here’s a song I wrote especially for Belisama Kent!

Did you use “Think about me” on her?

Belly: *whistles innocently*

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Jeffrey Cook: This drink is lousy! What kind of bartender are you anyway??

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Bartender: I’m really an accountant.

Jeffrey: Ugh, I’m going back to the bar that has the women in the swimsuits serving drinks.

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Nothing ghosts love more than playing video games! Hungry, why don’t you sit on the same couch as Monk?

Hungry: Ghosts have cooties.

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Can someone please explain to me why maids and butlers just won’t finish my laundry, even with four pairs of working washers and dryers available?

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Meanwhile, Vlad and Belly are really hitting it off.

Belly: Exercising is awesome!

I guess it is if you can get zero to 10 athletic in one exercise session… personally, I’d rather watch TV.

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Vlad: So now that we established we have so much in common, how about we put one of these beds to use… Hey, did you just change clothes?

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Belly: Yeah, I got to go to work.

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Later that night, Vlad had better luck.

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Yep, just a bit better, I’d say.

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OK, quite a DAMN bit better.

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Hungry: Hey Belly, you planning on raising this kid anytime soon?

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Seriously, where the hell is that butler?

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I get the feeling she’s in this for the free bed.

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Hungry: A dressing dummy would do a better job of raising you.

S. M.: DUMMY!

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Dammit, he’s dancing again. Time to sell another stereo.

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There, you can just quietly watch TV and stop distracting the other sims.

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Harley: Come dancing! It’s only natural.

No, they’re not going to come dancing *sells guitar*

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Just clean the damn house. No one else will.

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That’s a good mummy. Wouldn’t this make an awesome detergent commercial? I can picture it now…

Harley: Are you happy with your wash?

Shopper: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Congratulations Hungry on your promotion to Lead Actress.

Hungry: I’m replacing Sandra Bullock in Speed 3: Automatic Pilot.

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Hungry then visits the theater to pick up her Green Orb award.

Hungry: This is the filthiest theater ever! Look at all the bugs!

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Belly: Yes you are the father! What the hell? Who else would I have slept with??

Vlad: Your husband?

Belly: Oh yeah, I had a husband.

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Vlad: I’m finally gonna be a father!

Belly: What about Rabid?

Vlad: Oh yeah, I have a son.

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Belly: So Vlad and I are having a baby, and we thought we’d just go ahead and move out and start a new life together, kthxbye.

Hungry: Congrats, I’m happy for you? (Hmm, I think she’s forgetting something.)

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Hungry: Crap!

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Hungry: I feel like I’ve spent more time with this kid than I did my own.

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Rabid: I just got 10 levels of drums!

Show off.

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They’ve all gone to the Brightmore for a birthday party! Is it Belly’s birthday?

No…

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Is it Rabid’s?

No…

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Is it Hungry’s?

Well, yes, but we’re not celebrating it because the game for some stupid reason wouldn’t let be blow out her candles or age her up, so I guess I’ve got two immortals in my household.

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But no birthday party of mine is gonna end with no payoff, so the bartender has to take a bullet.

Bartender: But I’m only 37!

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Not anymore! Sucker!

Tune in next time when the bartender probably dies of old age.

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What’s up, Kent Kent?

Kent: I’m jogging to work out for my job.

Are you sure that’s a good idea?

Kent: Why wouldn’t it be?

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Because you’re a vampire.

Kent: *smells burning flesh* Oh.

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Hungry has been asked to promote a restaurant to a few Sims. But of course, it wouldn’t be Hungry if she didn’t try to get some action first.

Hungry: Wanna join the mile high club?

Lil Bling: Wouldn’t we have to be on the plane first?

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Hungry: You should eat at this restaurant… I can’t remember the name of it.

Steve’s. You know, it’s the only bistro in town.

Hungry: Steve’s! Eat there!

Lil Bling: Such a convincing sell there.

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Is it baby time already?

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Nope, Belisama is just working out.

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Kent Kent is working out too. Although he is a vampire, and at level 6 athletics, it seems it’s taking him the normal amount of time to get to level 7. However, it does seem he doesn’t get fatigued.

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Belisama gets to level 10 in a matter of minutes though. Why are you so determined Belly?

Belisama: Don’t call me Belly! I’m trying to work this gut off!

Um, you’re pregnant remember?

Belly: Oh, yeah.

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Hungry: Are you Lady Cook?

Lady Cook: Yes I am.

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Hungry: Make me a meal!

Lady Cook: Um, Cook is just a last name. Not my job.

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Hungry: Things are really Cooking now.

Lady: When I’m with you I’m smiling.

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Jeffrey doesn’t feel the same way.

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, I got bored and explored the catacombs while waiting for morning, so that’s why Hungry looks like Chef Anne again.

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The three of them head upstairs. Jeffrey wanted to get a book. Hungry, well, had other ideas.

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Hungry: Jeffrey, be a good boy and wait outside

Jeffrey: OK.

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After having an after-sex garlic bulb, Hungry struts over to tell Lady about Steve’s.

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Hungry: You should eat at that bistro, I didn’t vomit.

Lady Cook: You smell like garlic.

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Hungry, you look silly strutting everywhere.

Hungry: I like to strut!

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The laundry at home has gotten out of hand, and the cleaning company sends two maids every day who charge me $250 to do nothing.

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So I thought I’d give them a little help.

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After they both made short work of athletics, Belly and Rabid tackle chess.

Belly: G 4.

Rabid: You sunk my Knight!

That’s not how you play…

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Back at the Cook household, Hungry works on the third recommendation.

Hungry: Do you like magic tricks involving linked rings?

Cressida Wells: I guess.

Lady Cook: Oh look, it’s my favorite ghost!

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Lady Cook: I don’t like ghosts anymore.

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Lady Cook: Oh well, ghosts will be ghosts.

That’s the spirit! Get it? Spirit!

Lady Cook: I’m going to bed.

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Hungry: What do you mean you only have one double bed in this house?

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Hungry: Oh, well, back to flirty.

Cressida: Now I feel very alluring!

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Cressida: And now I think you’re extremely irresistible!

Lady Cook: Nice bed…

Hungry: Crap!

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Hungry: Hah!

Lady Cook: I am tired, but I don’t like Hungry enough to get in that bed.

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Hungry: Quick! While the old people are gone!

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Hungry: So, Steve’s. Eat it.

Cressida: I’m a vampire. So no.

Hungry: Too bad, that star means I get credit anyway! Bye!

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Hungry is in need of a promotion, so she waits in Emmy Starr’s bed. Unfortunately, Alan Stanley is already there.

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Hungry: Unfortunately? How is that unfortunate? I like people in beds!

Um, yeah, but don’t you want to ask Emmy for a promotion?

Hungry: I can do that after.

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Hungry: So, Emmy, how about we get in bed together?

Emmy: No. I don’t like you, you homewrecker.

See, I told you it was a bad idea.

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Back at the lemon house, Belly goes into labor.

Belly: Can’t I go to the hospital?

Mmmmmm… No. I’m busy with Hungry.

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Hungry: Don’t you see I love you?

Emmy: I’m tired of your lies.

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Belly: Hellloooo, I had the baby!

OK, fine, meet Staccato Mamba, who is Friendly and Good. Back to Hungry!

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Hungry: I’m sorry I ruined your marriage.

Emmy: Oh well, that’s OK. I’m a lousy wife and mother anyway.

Why do you say that?

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Oh.

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Hungry: So you like cooking too?

Emmy: Yeah, hey, want some pancakes?

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Hungry: I don’t feel so good.

Yeah, I don’t think Emmy’s completely forgiven you. That empty plate says you just ate “Spoiled Pancakes: Bad Quality.”

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Emmy: OK, we’re even now.

Hungry: Your baby cries a lot.

Emmy: I know, right?

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Hungry: Can I have a promotion?

Emmy: OK, you’re a level 8 actress!

I think work would have been easier than this.

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Belly goes and gets a job.

Belly: Yeah, I was going to fence the baby, but they said they don’t do that, so I got a job instead.

So now we have four family members working at the warehouse. Unless Harley retired. I don’t really pay attention to him anymore.

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Because Vampires are totally awesome at music, I formed a band. Meet The Dire Wolves!

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Because the maids are still charging me twice as much to do no work at all, I had a cleaning day.

And the house still didn’t get cleaned. Thankfully Master Controller finally took care of it. We’ll see if it stays clean.

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I think Belly got arrested, but she’s riding up front with the cop, so maybe she’s an informant.

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Because Belly is in prison, she misses her daughter’s first birthday.

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Happy Birthday little Staccato! Can you tell she’s a vampire?

Thank you, good night, now it’s time to go home.

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We’ll begin today’s chapter with an impossibly hard quiz. Who is this visiting the Wolff-Schlick household?

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If you guessed John Locke, you are wrong. It’s Monk Breckman!

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Vlad, your family has 2.5 million simoleons in cash. Why are you driving a jalopy?

Vlad: Because someone was too lazy to buy more cars.

Damn that Ethan.

Vlad: Yeah, Ethan…

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Vlad: I’m tired, and the sun burns my skin.. why are you sending me to city hall?

We’re going to sue for the slander about you breaking up with your wife.

Vlad: But I did break up with my wife.

Shut up. Frivolous lawsuits are as American as Apple pie.

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Vlad: Don’t blame me, but we lost.

Of course I’m going to blame you. Blaming others is even MORE American than apple pie.

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Kent Kent goes to the warehouse to get a new job. Someone wants to be Emperor of Evil. Don’t you know that’s Vlad’s lifetime wish?

Kent: I’ve met Vlad. I’m not worried.

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Ethan: The TV is broken. Where the hell is that butler?

You know, I haven’t seen him in weeks. I guess I’ll call a repair man.

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Crap, he’s blonde.

Blonde Repairman: What am I doing?

Hopefully fixing things.

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Blonde Repairman: I don’t see anything that needs repair.

Well, there’s the TV, and RIGHT BEHIND YOU is a broken computer…

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Blonde Repairman: Broken computer? I’ll get right on it. This is it right?

*sigh* Whatever.

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I find Hungry over at Bianca Rubble’s place. What’s up Hungry?

Hungry: I’m at a party.

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Um, looks hopping…

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Bianca: Oh, the party I was having was TONIGHT? I totally forgot… I feel so awful.

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Hungry: I guess we can find other things to do…

Bianca: I don’t even remember inviting you but OK!

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Hungry: Oh, look. Now we’re in bed.

Bianca: This is going a bit fast…

Hungry: Shut up, or you’ll end up like Renee.

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Hungry: Great party! I’m outta here!

Bianca: Will I see you again?

Hungry: Nope!

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Vlad: WORK OFF THAT FAT YOU SLOB!!!

Harley: Um, I’m pretty much a dehydrated corpse…

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Meet Celina Jung, our new butler.

Celina: Nice shot you got of me here.

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As you can see, our previous butler left a lot of work for Celina.

Celina: Can you show my face please?

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Fix the damn sink not the garbage disposal!

Celina: I demand a proper introduction first.

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Fine. This is our new butler, Celina Jung.

NOW FIX THE DAMN SINK.

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Celina: OK! Off to do laundry!

Vlad: I’m gonna work you ‘til you die!

Harley: OK, this will take awhile…

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Celina: Oh boy! It’s my favorite song! EVERYBODY HAVE FUN TONIGHT! EVERYBODY WAYNE CHUNG TONIGHT!

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And then she finally fixed the sink. So I didn’t have to use Master Controller’s Kill command on her.

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Vlad: I AM TOTALLY GOING TO SHIT ON YOU!

Harley: Worst. Trainer. Ever.

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Aw, Lakisha and Ethan still sleep together.

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Hungry makes a new friend.

Hungry: So where do you live little boy?

Rabid: I live here. I’m your son.

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Hungry: I had a son?

Rabid: With Vlad Schlick.

Hungry: Oh, I divorced him.

Rabid: I know, it put me in a bad mood for two whole days.

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Vlad: Could you turn that down? I’m trying to read this book for work.

Hungry: *turning up volume* SHH! I am trying to watch TV!

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We finally found something that could stop Hungry from barging in anywhere she wants. Broken elevators. Some guy named Richie Striker kept using it, and resetting him didn’t fix it. I finally had to reset the whole lot just to go down one floor. You know EA, stairs aren’t that hard to build.

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While waiting to fix the elevator, Hungry chatted up Hannah Smyth.

Hungry: Let’s go have sex in the elevator.

OK, maybe “chatted up” isn’t the right phrase as much as “rudely propositioned.”

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Could switching to Geico really save you 15% over the other company’s car insurance? Is Hungry Lyktha Wolff a slut?

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That’s one satisfied pirate.

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Finally, Hungry is able to dance at the Brightmore, which was the reason she came here in the first place, to fill a celebrity opportunity.

Hungry: This new dance is called the I AM SLEEPY!

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Kent: GRR! I’m a Vampire!

Um. Edward Cullen is more frightening than you.

Kent: Oh yeah? Watch this!

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Kent: You are a bad dancer! See, I am evil.

Sure you are.

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Time for Hungry’s birthday transition into an adult!

Vlad: Hope it’s chocolate for me…

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See the difference? Keep looking.. it’s there…

 

 

 

OK, it’s the same. JUST LIKE ALWAYS. I still don’t understand what the purpose of the Young Adult to Adult transition is.

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Kent, why are you standing in the middle of the graveyard?

Kent: I have a hot date.

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Kent: Good thing you came, Belisama. Now I don’t have to punch you in the face.

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Kent: Will you be my girlfriend? If you say no, I will stand out in the sun until I turn to ashes.

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Belisama: OK, I guess I say yes then.

Bartender: This relationship is fucked up.

Just be glad you haven’t been following this family for five generations.

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Kent: Marry me, and I will give you a really expensive ring!

Belisama: OMG I LOVE RINGZ!

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And so they got married in a bar in a tomb in a graveyard. And if that wasn’t weird enough, the bartender cackled maniacally during the whole ceremony.

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Hungry: So my cousin or whatever has married your daughter.

Morrigan: So what does that make us?

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Hungry: Distant enough that we can do this!

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Morrigan: You know now it’ll be awkward between us at family gatherings right?

Hungry: You haven’t been to my family gatherings. I have awkward relationships with all of them.

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Belisama and Kent almost look normal here…

Belisama: I–

Shut up, don’t ruin this for me.

Belisama: But I was only going to say —

No. I won’t hear it.  Next picture!

Belsama: But–

NEXT PICTURE!

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It’s Rabid’s birthday!

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And now he’s a Schmoozer. Great.

Belisama: BIRTHDAYZ R AWESUM!

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OK, now I can’t find the butler again.

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That’s all for this chapter. I’ll leave it to you to guess what happens to Belisama in the next chapter.

Belisama: I bet I have a baby. I’m wearing maternity clothes, and thinking about pregnancy. I think they could guess that.

Well, yeah, that was the obvious joke. You suck.

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Looks like it’s time for Vlad to go to work!

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So Hungry invites over Renee Littler for a little fun while her husband’s away.

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Renee doesn’t come alone, she brings with her the paparazzi.

Paparazzi: Interesting story, go on.

Hungry: She was talking TO ME.

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Hungry: Hey, good looking. Whatcha got cooking?

Harley: Although Hungry already cheated on me by getting married and have a kid, this still angers me for some reason. And this anger gives me fame.

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Ethan: This is odd. Hungry is married, yet talking really flirty to a woman besides her husband.

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Ethan: And now they’re massaging each other. I think I’ll go take a shower.

Do I really want to know why?

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Harley: This upsets me, yet I feel compelled to watch.

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And then Vlad comes home from work.

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Vlad: Hey, Ethan’s home! Maybe we can chat about stuff.

Like your cheating wife?

Vlad: My what?

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She’s got Renee up in the bedroom and they’re about to…

Renee: You know, this group outing has sucked. I got to go.

Hungry: Wait, it was about to get real interesting, don’t go.

Renee: See you!

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Slightly hurt, Hungry calls her up and invites her over again.

Renee: Sure, I’ll be right there.

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Renee: Wait, I got to go. And this outing sucked more than the last one.

Hungry: Just walk away Renee, you won’t see me follow you back home.

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Hungry: Instead I’ll invite you over a third time and break up with you.

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Hungry: And that story the tabloids wrote about you was boring. Oh, and could you turn around?

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Hungry: BOOOOOOO!

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Renee: AHHH IT’S A GHOST!!!

You think?

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Hungry: And now I will zap you!

Note to self: Don’t leave Hungry’s house before she wants you to.

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Meanwhile, Bertram asked for his weekly stipend. Money well spent I guess.

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Back at work, Hungry is asked to pass out flyers at the park. It’s times like these when I miss the one main park in Sunset Valley. Parks in Bridgeport are such ghost towns. Well, one ghost anyway.

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Hungry: Here’s a flyer for our new movie!

Tiara: I’m in this movie. We work together remember? We’re even romantic interests!

Hungry: In the movie?

Tiara: No! IN REAL LIFE! We just made out last chapter!

Hungry: What’s a chapter!

Tiara: Whoops, I broke the fourth wall.

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Hungry: Here’s a flyer for our studio’s latest movie.

Dorothy Wannabe: Does it have Judy Garland in it?

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Hungry: Here, you throw this away.

Random Job Victim #3: Um, thanks.

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Hungry: Blah blah blah flyer.

Marina Prattle: Have you tried TV commercials? What kind of budget does this movie have anyway?

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Hungry: Here’s some reading material while you use the john.

Elspeth Cook: Did you just stalk me into the bathroom to give me this?

Hungry: Yes. Speaking of stalking, that reminds me…

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Hungry: I’m going to go over to Renee Littler’s house and just do creepy things like use her kitchen.

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Hungry, it’s Rabid’s birthday, you probably should be there to watch him age up.

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Hungry: Sorry, busy eating goopy carbonara.

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Hungry: So you’re Renee’s husband?

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Hungry, you’re missing Ethan’s birthday.

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Hungry: Can’t you see I’m busy creating scandals with my new nemesis’s husband?

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Yeah, I can see that.

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Hungry: And now I’m gonna go bitch slap her sister.

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Hungry, haven’t you taken this a bit too far?

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Hungry: Nope, now I’m gonna go fight with her.

Looks like Renee has other plans. Like starving to death.

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Hungry: That bitch. She ruins everything.

Yeah, I’m sure she did it just to spite you.

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Hungry: Oh well, time to work up relationships with my coworkers.

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Um, Hungry, you could just chat them up, find their interests instead of just ramming your tongue down their throats.

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Hungry: Nah…

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Kent Kent got invited over to Belisima Hemlock’s house. For a boring guy, he sure has interesting sims.

Kent: I really like your bear.

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Kent: Awesome, you’re evil too? Let’s Mastermind Plots!

Belisima: OK. We could make a sequel to She’s Out of My League.

Kent: You really are evil.

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Kent: So are you single?

Belisima: I was trying to pee…

Kent: And you met someone?

Belisima: No, I’m single. This is not a story about by relationship status.

Wogan: I AM HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!

Kent: What was that?

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Belisima: Sounds like my dad is dying.

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Kent: *cackling* This is awesome!

Belisima: It’s my dad, I don’t think you should be enjoying this.

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Belisima: In fact, I will cry now.

Kent: Bummer.

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Kent: So, I think you’re kinda hot.

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Belisima: OK, we can amorously hug now.

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Morrigan: Oh, garbage chute, my husband is dead.

OK, that’s a little weird…

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Hungry: Let me use my Master of Seduction ability on you.

Vlad: No, you’re a cheating bitch, don’t touch me.

Hungry: Well, that was a waste of reward points.

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Hungry: Let me slap you instead.

Vlad: Maybe I should have taken the kiss.

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Hungry: I want a divorce.

Vlad: Fine. Should I move out?

Hungry: Nah, it’s easier to hate you if you stay.

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And then a fight breaks out! Ghost vs. Vampire! Who will win?

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And this round goes to: VAMPIRE!

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Belisima: I can’t believe my dad is dead.

Kent: Yeah, yeah, I know already.

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Kent: Want to make out?

Belisima: You really are a jerk.

Kent: I thought that’s why you liked me?

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And things are back to normal at the lemon house. Harley plays guitar while simultaneously listening to the stereo, Vlad works out, and Hungry plays video games. You couldn’t tell by looking all three hate each other’s guts.

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Really, I have no idea what Bertram is doing with his time.

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The next day, Kent resumes his game. Consoling didn’t work…

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After borrowing Hungry’s moodlet manager, Kent’s finally able to get his new girlfriend in a good mood.

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Belisima: Thank you for my first kiss, Kent. Too bad dumbass here didn’t get a screenshot of it.

I suck, OK?

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And now it’s Kent’s birthday!

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Kent got a D in school. So he can’t chose his last trait. Which is Disciplined. Yes kids, if you don’t work hard, study, and use your time wisely in school.. you might wind up DISCIPLINED!

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And by a strange coincidence it is also Belisima’s birthday!

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And here she is as a young adult! Thanks, Lakisha.

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Kent: Oh please, please, I’m tired of being the Kent’s version of that boring normal girl on the Munsters!

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And finally Kent Kent does something that might make me not kick him out after all.

Tune in next time for a Vampire Wedding!

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When we last left the Kent-Wolff-Schlick household, we had added a vampire ghost toddler named Rabid to the family. He blends in well with our citrus colored house.

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Yes, we love our little vampire ghost toddler just because he’s not a boring male Kent.

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Hungry: Today you’re a baby but someday you will grow up.

Rabid: Baby!

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Hungry: And then you’ll meet someone, but if you want to divorce them they’ll want to take all your money.

Rabid: Divorce!

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Hungry: And that’s what poison is for!

Rabid: Poison!

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Hungry: And when they die, you get to keep everything!

Rabid: DIE!

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Hungry stepped out to use the bathroom, and Rabid started crying for food, waking up Lakisha. Instead of just feeding him, Lakisha just stood there. I guess she was waiting to use the restroom, because she went in as soon as Hungry was done.

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That’s what I use the bathroom for too, dying.

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Lil Bling: I just came over to visit Kent Kent. This is creepy.

Lakisha: Witness my death!

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Lil Bling: When I woke up this morning, I didn’t think my day would include seeing someone die then playing video games with another ghost.

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CAUGHT IN THE ACT! There’s the villain who keeps repairing the stereo!

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Bertram: I’m tired.

Then stop mucking about with things you have no business with and GO TO BED!

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Hungry: Look, I found a new bar to hang out in!

Where is this place?

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Oh, the graveyard. Perfectly normal place to get your drink on.

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Then Hungry explored the crypts, to disastrous results.

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Tourist: It’s Secrets of a Restaurant Chef star Anne Burrell! Can I have your autograph?

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We now head over to Eugi’s where Hungry plays an EXCITING game of shuffleboard that ends in a 2-2 tie.

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Hungry: So you’re a vampire huh? I saw the most BEAUTIFUL sunset the other day. You totally should have been there.

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Hungry: Cool, another vampire! Hey, I had the most AMAZING salad yesterday.

Wogan: I miss real food…

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The family’s celebrity status has earned them a free bathtub, which they put in the most logical place. The kitchen.

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OBLIGATORY TODDLER GNAWING ON DOLL SHOT!

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Rabid: Thanks for teaching me to walk mom!

Hungry: Meh, this is hard. I’m going to the library.

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Hungry: OMG, it’s five star celebrity Lola Belle!

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Hungry: So, what’s your sign?

Lola: You have asked the secret code phrase. You are now a five star celebrity too.

Hungry: Cool, can we make out now?

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Hungry: SCORE!

What about your husband?

Hungry: Meh, what he don’t know…

Yeah, piss off a vampire. Good move.

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Hungry: Awesome! The paparazzi want a picture for the cover of the tabloids for their “Lola Belle is a Cheater” story!

No subtlety in this ghost.

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So where are you going now?

Hungry: To a party.

And you’re bringing Rabid?

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Hungry: Good point. I’ll leave him at the gate

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Hungry: This party blows. Let’s all go to the diner!

Way to act like a guest…

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Hungry: C’mon guys! Nothing beats pancakes at 4 a.m.!

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Next up, Hungry tries to befriend co-worker Reuben Littler.

Hungry: I know what we can do for fun.

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Hungry, you really need a new group activity.

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Meanwhile, Harley had an opportunity, so I filled it, just to show I can still use my other sims. Besides, it stopped him from dancing.

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And in the few minutes that took, Kent Kent made an ass of himself. You don’t need to be Cal Lightman to see the disgust on Hungry’s face.

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More toddler skilling!

Hungry: This is gross. I’m gonna go work out.

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Nice work out outfit. Elbow pads?

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Harley: Ew, you smell gross.

This coming from the mummy who drips water all over the house.

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At least Harley has an audience, even if they’re all ghosts.

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The concert is interrupted by a phone call from Hungry’s elderly friend, Violet Atkins.

Hungry: You’re old, you’re gonna die soon.

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Hungry goes to work on befriending co-worker Tiara Angelista.

Hungry: So, are you single?

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Both girls were rather tired, and Hungry tried to fix it. It didn’t go so well.

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Hungry: So let’s create a tabloid story…

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Hungry: We can use this bed.

Tiara: It’s got someone in it, and I’m freakin’ tired.

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Hungry: OK, so I got your sister out of the bed, and then I got us both successfully cured with the mood thingy… Now, where were we?

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Hungry: Oh, yes, the bed…

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Tiara: Time for work! Bye!

Yeah, I’m out of here too. See you next time!

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After successfully getting impregnated with Vlad’s monster offspring, the waiting game for just how monstrous the baby will be begins.  Meanwhile, Hungry decides to go make new friends.

Hungry: I find the day spa to be very relaxing sometimes…

Sugar Bijou: Yeah, I like to eat the cucumbers they put on my eyes.

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Hungry: Sugar is a bit odd, maybe I’ll go make friends with Lil Bling.

Lil Bling: Teacher, can I have some breakfast? I’m STARVING.

Hungry: Uh, I’m not your teacher.

Lil Bling: Oh, I thought I was having that dream where I go to school in my underwear. Phew, what a relief.

Hungry: Wait, so having a house guest see you walk around in the all-together is all okay?

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Hungry: I’ve never seen a two-story house with an elevator before.

Lil Bling: Stairs are HARD.

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Hungry: Anyway, I’m hungry too, so I’ll just eat this.

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Lil Bling: Holy crap, your breath stinks!

Hungry: You should see how my husband reacts.

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It’s birthday time!

Kent: I want pants for my birthday!

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Good news: You got pants.

Bad news: You look like a Neanderthal.

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Meanwhile the Vampire and the Mummy can be friends. You know, like that song from the musical Oklahoma!… At least I think it was a vampire and a mummy.

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Hungry went to crash Marina Prattle’s party, but she felt a little out of place. It took her awhile to realize why then she figured it out: she was the only one there who wasn’t a shirtless young man.

They were dancing with each other to classical music, while ignoring the hostess.

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Hungry: So, fun party, huh.

Shirtless Random Dude: Yeah, all these guys are HOT!

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Hungry: Doesn’t the fact all these guys seem to be more interested in each other than you set off some kind of alarm?

Marina: The cops are coming?

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Marina: AHH THE COPS ARE COMING!

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Hungry: Did you just piss yourself? Look, I don’t go for THOSE kind of parties. See ya.

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Are you tired of dirtying counter tops, stoves, or even risk burning your kitchen down? Well become a ghost now and you can just walk into other people’s homes and use their kitchens instead!

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Hungry: Emmy Starr has the best waffle mix!

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Hungry: Emmy really needs to buy herself a new TV though. This one’s pretty old.

Or you could go home and watch your own…

Hungry: And spend time with my family? F that.

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Emmy: Why are you in my house?

Hungry: I came to tell you I’m having a baby.

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Emmy: Ew, I dislike children.

Hungry: That’s not how you react to a pregnancy. Especially if the pregnant woman WORKS FOR YOU.

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Emmy: Let me feel your tummy then!

Hungry: I don’t think that’s how you interact with your employees either…

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Hungry: So since I’m gonna be missing work for the next several days, can I get a promotion first?

Emmy: Sure.

Hungry: And since I’m a four star celebrity, can I actually start appearing in movies?

Emmy: Don’t push it.

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And then Darlene died. I missed it because I never go back to the lot anymore, even when the game tries to force me to.

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Ethan: I can’t believe my mom is dead!

Bertram: Do I still get paid?

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Harley doesn’t care he just keeps dancing. Rat-a-tatting boombox moocher.

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Are you tired of only waking on the insides of houses? Just become a ghost, and you too can walk on flat roofs! Seriously, I can’t imagine going back to a non-ghost heir ever again.

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Hungry: Sorry if I scared you haunting your roof, Mr. Hamming.

Matthew: That’s ok, that recipe you gave me for pancakes more than makes up for it!

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Kent brought home Jupiter Belle from school. Jupiter is a girl’s name!

Jupiter: Huh? I’m named after the Roman God. God, not Goddess. It’s a guy’s name.

Nope. The Chimarees told me it’s a girl’s name. And you can’t argue with the Chimarees.

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Ethan: We have 2.5 million simoleons, I’m at the top of my career, I’m practically and elder.. Why can’t I just retire so I don’t have days like this?

I can’t be bothered to spend the two seconds clicking on “retire.”

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Hungry: I go to Aquarius just to have a few drinks and meet people, and the bartender’s outfit makes me wonder exactly WHAT kind of bar this is?

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The fish tank is pretty cool.

Hungry: Meh…

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Hungry: There we go, this is much better.

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Hungry: AHHH, BABY’S COMING!

Bartender: And that’s my cue to close the bar! Come again!

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Hungry: No problem, I’ll just walk myself out, call myself a cab, and just walk myself to the hospital. Don’t want you freezing to death in your bathing suit.

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Introducing Rabid Wolff-Schlick! He is Athletic, Neurotic.. and A VAMPIRE GHOST! Or is it Ghost Vampire?

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Everyone comes to see the baby, and for some reason Ethan just hates Rabid. Oh, and Bertram, you’re standing on Hungry. Hope that has no lasting effects.

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I guess I worried for nothing. That’s perfectly normal and not creepy at all. Nice slippers Bert.

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Hungry: Glad that pregnancy thing is over with. Back to hanging out at bars, doing my own thing, and most importantly, ignoring my family. Hey folks! Dinner’s on me!

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Hungry: But not at the Sports Zone. They suck. To the bistro we go!

I bet Sports Zone is not happy with Hungry taking away all their customers…

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Babies suck, so for the first time in this legacy, I went ahead and skipped to toddlerhood.

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VAMPIRE GHOST TODDLER! TODDLER GHOST VAMPIRE! GHOST TODDLER VAMPIRE! VAMPIRE TODDLER GHOST! TODDLER VAMPIRE GHOST! I think that’s all of them.

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GHOST VAMPIRE TODDLER!

OK, now THAT’s all of them. Till next time!

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I forgot last time to give the new heir’s stats. Hungry is Clumsy, Eccentric, Charismatic, a Natural Cook and Hates the Outdoors. So naturally her LTW is to be a Superstar Actor. She rushes down to the movie studio right away and gets a job.

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Hungry hits it off with her co-workers right away.

Random Co-worker: Ew! A Ghost!

Hungry: At least I’m not a simbot.

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Hungry: I just don’t know why people don’t like me.

Maybe because you eat nothing but garlic?

Hungry: Hey, it was the most expensive vegetable. I deserve only the best.

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Hungry: Maybe if I read this book on Charisma I will get better at making friends. Hmm, it says here you’re not supposed to loudly proclaim you’re tired or need to go to the bathroom. Since when?

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Hey, it’s famous Celebrity Jeffrey Cook! Try out your newly learned Charisma skills!

Hungry: Yo Dog, I hear you like Politics.

Jeffrey: Yes, Yes I do.

Hungry is making some progress.

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Or not.

Jeffrey: NO YOU CAN NOT HAVE MY TROPHY!

Hungry: I didn’t even say anything about a trophy…

OK, forget the library. Let’s go make friends at the local bars.

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Or not.

Hungry tries to meet people, and yet this bar had a grand total of four people: two bouncers and two bartenders.

Meanwhile back at the Blinding Bright Lemon House:

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Harley keeps dancing to the stereo, even when Lakisha tries playing the guitar.

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And Ethan gets promoted to Mad Scientist.

Ethan: Yeah, after a few days at work of cross-breeding creatures with robots, they suddenly decided I was Mad.

Funny how that works.

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This time we found a bar that was a hot spot.

ONE WHOLE CUSTOMER!

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Hungry: Since you’re the only one here, I guess I will make friends with you.

Johanna King: I’m flattered.

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Hungry: Oh, looks like there’s a lot more people here now. Well, I’ll keep talking to you anyway.

Johanna: Yay for me!

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Hungry: I think you’re rather attractive.

Johanna: I… um… got to go visit the Ladies’ room.

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Hungry: So what’s your sign?

Johanna: Aries, which means I get creeped out by people who follow me into the toilet.

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Hungry: Did I mention I like your body?

Johanna: Yes, you did, then I left, hoping you’d get a hint.

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Hungry: So are you single?

Johanna: Yes. BECAUSE I JUST DON’T LIKE PEOPLE! I AM GOING HOME NOW!

Hungry: What’s her problem?

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Hungry: Everyone left. I guess I’ll play video games.

Heh, playing video games instead of socializing with people. What a loser.

Wait, did all my readers just leave?? Sims 3 doesn’t count, honest!

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Hungry: I’m off to the spa!

Masseuse: How do I massage a ghost… Oh well, that’ll be $7500.

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Ethan: Now that I’m a Mad Scientist, I can do experiments on the TV.

And Harley keeps dancing.

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Ethan: Ah ha! Now the TV has a Mad Cow on it!

I’m pretty sure it could do that before. You know, for kids!

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Ethan: Time to eat. Where’s my plate?

It’s on that blinding table somewhere.

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Meet the newest member of the family: Bertram Plunkett, the butler. He says he needs a bed, but I say he’s supposed to work, not sleep, so screw that.

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Ethan gets invited to a party!

Ethan: Oh my gosh, it’s the world famous Lola Belle!

I’ve never heard of her.

Ethan: OK, Bridgeport famous, but still…

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Ethan: I loved you in that one movie, where you got dumped by that guy when he realized he loved the plain girl all along.

Lola: Thanks, those were my favorite films too. Well, those seven, and the eight where I was the snobby girl who made the plain girl cry.

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Lola: I like you sucking up to me, I proclaim you famous too.

Ethan: Yay! Now I know how Nicole Ritchie feels.

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Darlene: I’m old, and tired, and I want to go to bed.

Harley: No! We must keep dancing! I want to be on So You Think You Can Dance!

I can answer that right now. No, you can’t. I changed the station to classical, and they kept dancing like it was pop music.

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Ethan: I’m putting a stop to this.

Harley: Hey, I was listening to that.

Ethan: FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS!

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Ethan: The stereo is broken.

Harley: The stereo is broken.

Pay attention here. The stereo is broken. This will be important later.

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Hungry: Hmm, I went to go visit my boss Emmy Starr and she wouldn’t let me in. I guess I’ll go take a bath while I wait for her to change her mind.

Gates mean nothing to ghosts.

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Hungry, don’t you think this might be a little inappropriate?

Hungry: No one likes a stinky sim.

Good point.

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Hungry: Hello boss, how’s it going?

Emmy: What are you doing in my house! I think you should leave.

Hungry: I think I should punch you.

Emmy: Have some breakfast!

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See, I told you the stereo’s status would be important. I did NOT fix this, or call a repairman. Yet Harley’s back in action.

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Ethan gets invited to another party.

Barry Tenderlove: I hope this party doesn’t last too long, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is on.

You might remember Barry from Chapter Five of The Vampire Pregnancies. If you don’t, consider this a shameless plug. Go read it now. I’ll wait.

OK, I lied. I’m going on with the story.

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Hungry gets tired of trying to meet vampires, so she just walks into one’s house. But he doesn’t appear to be home, so Hungry gets caught up on her reading for work. Did you know actors have to read for their job? Me neither.

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Oops, I missed a room. I guess Vladimir Schlick is home after all. You might remember Vladimir from The Vampire Pregnancies. I KNOW you’ve all read it now. Sorry about the continuous shamless plugging.

No I’m not.

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Hungry: Good morning!

Vlad: AHH! A ghost!

Hungry: You’re a vampire.

Vlad: Oh, right.

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Hungry: I read about vampires in a book once.

Vlad: I love how books portray vampires! Let’s be BFF!

Hungry: I was kind of hoping for more.

Vlad: OK.

Hungry: Move in with me.

Vlad: OK.

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Vlad: AHH! A mummy!

Once again, you’re a vampire.

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Vlad: I don’t like stereos, I will sabotage this.

OK, he’s won me over.

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Vlad: Hungry, there’s a small child standing inside you.

Hungry: That’s just Kent Kent. Ignore him. Everyone else does.

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Vlad: So Hungry, you said you wanted to be more than friends?

Hungry: Sure thing, hon, just let me break up with Harley first.

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Hungry: He’s not answering. Oh, well. I’ll tell him after the wedding.

Vlad: Wedding?

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Hungry: Oh yeah, here’s a ring. Now you must jump up and down all happy.

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Vlad: Like this?

Hungry: OK, now we must exchange rings right here on the staircase.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Wolf-Schlick.

Hungry: Let’s go make a baby!

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Vlad: There is an old lady in the bed.

Hungry: Yeah, I’m not into that. WAKE UP OLD LADY!

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Hungry: Now where were we?

Vlad: Getting ready to make a baby that has practically no chance of being a normal human?

Hungry: Yep, that’s it.

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And after hearing those magical chimes, we conclude another chapter. Tune in next time when we find out if the little Wolf-Schlick is a ghost, a vampire, or a vampire ghost.

Thanks for reading!