Archive for the ‘Gurton’ Category

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Welcome back. Today we’re watching Ethan do his best impression of Sisyphus. I don’t know why they never learn it helps to fix the leak first.

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Clarka spent her LTH points to change her LTW to Gold Digger. I figured it suited her better, and besides I wasn’t going to do Illustrious Author twice.  And she already knew a rich old dude.

Thornton: I don’t like kids.

Clarka: Don’t worry, you won’t see our kids to toddlerhood.

Thornton: What?

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Clarka: You’re 89, shouldn’t you enjoy life while you can?

Thornton: I know you blew up my furniture, but making out totally makes up for it.

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Clarka: Marry me, and you can have a bed to sleep in again!

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Thornton: I can’t commit to something long term.

Clarka: You’ll be gone in a week tops!

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Clarka: C’mon you’ll have this every night.

Thornton: All Five of them?

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Thornton: I feel like Bill Murray in Ghostbusters.

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Clarka: How about now?

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Thornton: Why buy the cow when you can get the ectoplasm for free?

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Clarka: OK, you get some shut-eye, I’ll be in the other room.

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Thornton: Time to casually run again!

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Thornton: I shall casually stand over here, until the fire goes out.

Clarka: How about you just move in, we’ll take it slow.

Thornton: OK.

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Thornton: Now that I’m living here, I have a sudden urge to marry you.

Yeah, funny how that works.

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And so they got married, right then and there.

Thornton: Til death do us part? How does that work, you’re already dead.

Clarka: But you’re not… yet.

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Thornton: Jeez, you sure have a lot of fires here. Why are all these picnic tables so close together anyway?

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Thornton: I’m filled with the urge to urinate.

B. S.: Dude, you’re on fire.

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Darlene: I got this!

And then she put Thornton out. I wasn’t very happy.

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Thornton: I’m really not liking it here. I’m tired, I’m singed, and you’re constantly insulting me.

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Clarka: I have no idea why you’re so tired. *ZAP*

This is the most undignified I’ve ever seen Thornton.

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Thornton: I think I just urinated on the carpet.

OK, THIS is the most undignified I’ve seen Thornton.

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Thornton: I’ve pissed myself, I’m singed, smelly, and tired beyond belief. How can my life gets worse.

Clarka: Thornton, I have declared you a nemesis.

Thornton: What the hell did I do to you??

Clarka: I’ve just never liked your sideburns.

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Clarka: Now I’m pregnant with a baby Wolff.

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Darlene: Why all this focus on Clarka, she’s not even part of the heir bloodline.

Because you and Clark are so boring? OK, quick update. Darlene is a level 9 Secret Agent.

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She got an opportunity to learn Martial Arts.

Darlene: Wow, they didn’t even ask me to go to China first.

Yeah, I hate the opportunities that do that.

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Ethan got invited over to Johnpaul Jacobsen’s house.  Looks like Mortimer moved out when his parents died.

Ethan: What kind of name is Johnpaul?

Johnpaul: It’s not too bad, you should see my sister Georgeringo.

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Darlene: Look, I made yellow belt!

Still boring.

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Darlene: Boring??? Fine, I’ll show you interesting. Oh, and I got my LTW, International Super Spy.

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Darlene: See, I’m raiding the criminal warehouse.

You went into a rabbit hole, and later I got text. STILL BORING.

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Look who’s visiting for the first time in a long long time!

Gurton: Wait, you never invite people over. This must mean something.

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Gurton: I knew it!

So long Gurton. Beef has now outlived all her siblings.

B. S.: Yay for death flowers!

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Sim rule no. 1: Death never happens by itself.

Clarka: Why does it hurt so much to give birth to an ethereal baby?

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Thornton: I insist my child be born in the hospital!

Clarka: Shouldn’t you DRIVE then?

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It’s a girl! She was born with the traits Clumsy, and Hates the Outdoors.  Do you have a name, Clarka?

Clarka: Hungry Lyktha Wolff.

Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo.

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Clarka: OK, all the dressers lined up… Bookshelf blocking the door… detonator on the desk… Looks like we’re ready to go.

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Thornton: You put this dresser too close to the bed. I can’t get out.

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Clarka: You’re right honey! You’re trapped, and now the room is on fire!

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Thornton: I can’t get out of bed to respond properly to the fire!

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Thornton: It is nice and warm and comfy though.

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The rest of the family has their own response to the fire.

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Darlene: I can’t get to the fire to put it out!

You’re one floor directly below it. Did you even go upstairs to check?

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Funny how it stays to one room like that.

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No pressure on Thornton yet.

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Thornton: Could someone please move this dresser already? I am now on fire too.

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Thornton: My backside is on fire, and I’m getting rather put out.

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Thornton: Finally, most of the fire has gone out. But I have “Expire” set in my queue, but I can not do that properly with this dresser in the way!

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Clarka: Fine, I’ll put out the fire so you can die.

Thornton: Thank you kindly.

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Thornton: Hello! The dresser!

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Clarka: Got it.

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Thornton: That just made more fire! I can’t die properly in this mess!

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Clarka: Fine, I will put it out again. Why do you have to be so difficult, Thornton? … Thornton? … THORNTON!

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Thornton: …

Maybe this is the least dignified I’ve ever seen Thornton.

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Death: SORRY I AM SO LATE, YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE TRAFFIC.

Clarka: I’m SO heartbroken.

Death: WHAT’S THE +20,000 MEAN?

Clarka: Oh, nothing.

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Clark: I’m Evil and all, so I don’t give a rat’s ass about your dead husband, but that’s the LAST time you will burn my stuff! GET OUT!

Clarka: You have my baby!

Clark: Oh, sorry. Take that too.

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And so Clarka and Hungry moved out, and Clark went back upstairs to hide away painting.

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Clark: Remember that fire we had? It was pretty cool.

B. S.: My son-in-law died, and you kicked out my daughter and grandchild over it.

Clark: STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

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Ethan: I wish I age up with a shirt on!

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Ethan: Score!

Nice hair too. So Ethan is now a loner, which should go well with his LTW I locked in as a child, Creature Robot Crossbreeder.

Ethan: Now I can learn gardening, so off to the library I go.

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Sandi French has confused the library with the beach.

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Ethan takes no notice, and just keeps on reading. Maybe this will be my last generation, if this does nothing for him.

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Also in the library was Ethan’s cousin, Darlene Bunch (Daughter of Ethan Bunch.) Confused? Yeah. Bunches don’t have that many names.  I have no idea what she’s so pissed about. Being a Bunch, I guess.

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Clark finally got level 10 painting, meaning he has his LTW, Illustrious Author completed! Yay! Now I just need to chain him back to his computer so he can get level 10 in the writing career. Which will probably take even longer, since it seems only the FIRST royalty payment counts.

Thanks for reading!  Tune in next time, when nothing gets set on fire or gets blown up. I think. Sorry.

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We got the phone call that Monk Breckman wasn’t going to be around much longer, so Clarka went over to visit her uncles.  Since Monk was about to die, Clarka decided not to blow his house up.

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Clarka invited her uncle home to say goodbye to his family. Monk had reached that stage of life where you think you are Jean Luc Picard.

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Monk: Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra!

If I let Monk spend too much time with Ethan, the social worker will show up to take him away to prevent him from becoming a Trekkie.

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B. S.: Something happens and I’m Head over Heels.

Monk: We’re boldly going where no one has gone before.

Five feet off the ground? Every townie’s been there.

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Death: SORRY CAPTAIN, YOUR TIME IS UP.

Monk: OK, NOW I’m going where no one has gone before.

That’s probably true, I stuck him in Clarka’s inventory.

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Clark: I guess Uncle Monk died, cause I’m having a birthday!

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Clarka: What’s this “become a responsible adult” crap?

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Most unusual training regimen ever.

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$125 a day. Totally worth it!

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Yay! Ethan will finally get interesting!  One of these days I will totally start caking the little worms the day they’re born.

Maid: I just woke up. Time for free food?

Once again, $125. A day.

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He got the family cyan eyes.

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Ethan loves his mommy!

Ethan: Cause I don’t look like her!

Yeah, you caught a REAL lucky break there.

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Ethan loves his mummy!

Ethan: Cause I don’t look like him!

OK, you caught an even luckier break there.

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The whole family chipped in on Ethan’s skilling.

Ethan: And that’s the tale of our castaways, they’re here for a long long while.

J. J. is teaching him the classics.

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Clarka: You have to learn how to walk before you can learn how to run. And you have to learn to run cause you have to be a good distance from that detonator before it explodes.

Ethan: ‘splodes?

Ernie II: Yeah, ‘splodes. That’s why I’m Ernie II. And Bert’s nowhere to be seen.

Thinking about how Clarka is holding him up makes my head hurt.

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Ethan: Who’s this man behind me?

That’s your daddy. You won’t see him much cause he’s got a lot of books to write. In fact, probably time to hit him with a moodlet manager and chain him back to his desk!

Clark: Is this how Stephen King got famous?

Yes. Yes it is.

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Clarka had been so good for so long.. so it was bound to happen.  This time when the detonator went off, that chain reaction she hoped for at the last party finally happened.

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The heat is on!

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Gurton is the worst cop ever.

Gurton: I don’t know what to do!

Stand there, jump up and down, and yell. It’s so helpful!

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Darlene: I got this.

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Joey Jr. narrowly escapes the fire, but decides sleeping is more important than a shower.

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Although Harley hasn’t used a bathroom since Ethan’s dad was a toddler, he gives potty training a go.

Harley: Poop. POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPP!

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Ethan: Banana jelly beans cow. THIS BOOK MAKES NO SENSE!

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J. J.: And this is the alphabet!

Ethan: But this letter is just this letter backwards! Same with these other two! Just looking at this makes me tired!

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Clark: Come on son, I got an idea.

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Ethan: You are right Daddy, books DO make more sense in the library.

Clark: Funny how that works.

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Ethan: Wait, what’s going on here.

J. J.: I probably shouldn’t have done this in front of the baby.

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J. J.: Hey, Death, couldn’t you have, you know, not have me drop dead in front of a small impressionable child?

Death: LOOK, I’VE HAD NO ROBES FOR WEEKS NOW. I JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE.

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Joey Jr. joins the family cemetery, with the grave closest to the baked goods stand. Cause it’s good for business.

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Ethan: Square peg goes in square hole, round peg goes in round hole, triangle peg goes in triangle hole, and aunt Joey goes in coffin!

Yeah, he’s not TOO screwed up now.

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Ethan: And mallet goes in mouth!

Yeah, why not.

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Head does NOT go in potty. I draw the line there.

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Darlene: Um, don’t mind me, I have to do this for work.

Morgana: That’s ok, when you’re done, can I have a look? I need new furniture and stuff.

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Darlene: Yay, I’m finally an adult.

OK then, could you put your clothes in the hamper?

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Dewey: Things seem much more peaceful now that I’m dead.

Hmm, I would have thought differently of the idea of laying next to Andy Breckman forever.

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Meanwhile, Harley subtly stuck his reward from work in one of the many display cases in the basement. He’s hoping Darlene the cop doesn’t look too close.

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Ken: Here we go again. Hey kid, you have ANY idea how many generations of slobber I have on me?

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Clark: I guess I should be glad you aren’t making me write 24/7, but at least then I was SITTING.

Who’s the guy in the picture?

Clark: Me after I go completely pale and cranky from painting hours on end.

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And it’s birthday time again. Screenshot-1797

Ethan: I have the best parties ever, a mummy and ghost and everything.

No friends, or even other kids, but I guess he doesn’t know better.

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Ethan: I have decided from here on out that I’m going to be Good.

Oh, Dad is not really going to like that…

Tune in next time when Clark and Ethan probably spend a lot of time going person person minus minus.

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When not hard at work on her books (which is always) Clarkette has taken a new hobby: Fishing. Nice bait Clarkette.

Clarkette: That’s what I just caught…

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Harley and Joey Jr. have formed a duo named the Scarabs and have really been rocking it out for tips.

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Apparently they’re bigger than the Beatles.  Scarabmania!

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The old people, however, just don’t get it. Typical.

Harley: Everybody’s got something to hide, except for me and my mummy!

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Clarkette: Finally, I caught something I can be proud of.

Isn’t it rather dark?

Clarkette: So?

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Clarkette: Crud.

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Dewey: I’m disappointed in you. When you’re supposed to be somewhere, you should be there.

Clarkette: Like you at the game?

Dewey: Hey, I forgot I was supposed to go.

True story. Dewey’s missed like 5 games out of 7 so far. I keep forgetting to send him cause they practically never send a carpool. The Team loses 14-0 every single time. Yet Dewey’s MVP. I guess cause they can’t win without him.

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Clarkette: Screw this, I’m going out to eat. They can’t arrest me twice for the same crime. Double Jeopardy.

That’s not how it works. They don’t arrest her though.

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Dewey gets his lifetime wish!

Dewey: All that skipping work paid off!

This update is full of valuable lessons…

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Harley tries to make friends.

Harley: …and when there was no meat, we ate fowl and when there was no fowl, we ate crawdad and when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate sand.

Claire: You ate what?

Harley: We ate sand.

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Claire: You ate SAND?

Harley: That’s right.

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Clarka: Screw writing, I’m gonna become a master inventor.

Malcolm: Is this the house where that scary mummy lady lives?

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Clarka: Oh, crap, where’s the shower?

Inside. But I think you just get singed the first time.

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Clarka: I’m pretty sure that’s not true. You can die the first time.

Really? Let me go look it up.

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Clarka: I DON’T THINK WE HAVE TIME!

Shush, it’ll only take a…

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Clarka: Don’t worry about it, I got it covered.  Hey, this is a lovely shade of orange.

Whoops.

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Clarka Kent was about a week from becoming a YA. She now rests next to her grandparents.

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Joey Jr. took it pretty hard. She had to console herself by having a blast on the trampoline.

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Dewey: Did something happen?

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Raging: So you just go around pickin’ up dead people?

Death: NO JUST THEIR SOULS.

Raging: That’s pretty cool.

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Guys, your sister is dead.

Clarkette: That would make a good Act III.

Clark: Dead sister won’t get this homework done any faster.

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Clark: Yep, knew that wouldn’t fly as a skip school excuse. Glad I did my homework.

Wow, Harley’s a real jerk. Making his son, niece, and nephew all go to school the morning after his niece dies.

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B. S.: While you all were mouring, I went and did something about it.

Clarka: I’m baaack…

Oh, great, another monster in the house. I really should have named this legacy the Addams Family.

Clarka: The Addams Family was just weird. I think you mean The Munsters.

Oh hush, no one likes The Munsters.

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Clarka: Back to inventing.

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Clarka: NOT AGAIN.

You can’t die twice.

Clarka: I DON’T WANT TO TAKE THAT CHANCE, GO GET HELP.

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Harley will save you.

Clarka: Well, I’m doomed then.

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Harley: Help.  HELLP.

Clarka: THEN DO IT ALREADY!

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Luckily, all mummies carry fire extinguishers.

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In honor of all Beef’s rooting through people’s garbage, breaking into their mailboxes, and disguising herself as small shrubbery, the mayor gave her an award.

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Is that a letter opener?

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Beef Supreme is finally becoming an elder.  The Kents decided to have their first huge party in a while. Even Monk and Gurton showed up.

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B. S.: Of course, I’m still a mummy. (sigh)

Blonde Lady: HA HA HA. You’re still funny looking!

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Clarkette: What’s a birthday party without catfish?

Mmmm… Cake and catfish.

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Clarkette is such a natural fisherwoman, she even levels in fishing when she dreams about it.

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Dewey: How come I don’t get a party in the park?

You’re the one who likes staying home so much. Maybe if you went to your games, I’d give you a real party.

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Dewey: Can I retire now?

Sure, but only in the Brett Favre meaning of the word.

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Joey Jr. Breckman is now a Hit Movie Composer.

J. J.: Yep, my score for Saw XIV put me over the top.

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And then, cause I’ve never done it before, I gave her a midlife crisis. She’s now a Born Saleswoman, Natural Cook, Loves the Outdoors, Childish, and Neat.

J. J.: Oh my! This dollhouse is a MESS!

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Now the moment we’ve all been waiting for.. the heir is becoming a Young Adult!

Clark: Why don’t I get a party in the…

SHUT UP.

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Control of the household has now passed over to Clark. And his last trait is Evil.

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Now it’s Clarkette’s turn. She even skills up fishing when blowing out candles.

Clarkette: I wish for a fish.

On a dish?

SWISH!

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Clarkette is now a party animal.

Clarkette: And it’s not a party unless you’re in your underwear!

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Raging: I’m scared, what if I turn ugly?

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Raging: I worried for nothing.

Mr. Bull is now a hopeless romantic.

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Clarka: Wait, ghosts can age up too?

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Clarka is now inappropriate.

Clarka: Who invited the help?

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What’s that on the stove?

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Clarka: It’s a detonator.

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The explosion also hit the nursery.

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Yeah, I guess Clarka is a Talking Heads fan.

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Three Hundred Sixty Five Degrees

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

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Even Clarka’s panicking, and she started this whole mess.

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Clarkette: This house is just too crazy for me, me and Raging are moving out.

And so they did, and then story progression made them go steady. First cousins, going steady.

Well, Clarka, I hope you learned your lesson.

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Clarka: Yep, blow stuff up in OTHER people’s houses, not your own.

And that concludes Book Two. Next time we finally start Book Three: Clark Kent.

Sergeant O’Leary is walkin’ the beat, at night he becomes a bartender.

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And that’s what he was doing when Harley the Mummy stole his patrol car.  Darn those kleptomaniac mummies!

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And meanwhile, Beef Supreme has backslid on her hiding skills.  And once again it’s the old people she’s spying on.

Old Man: What do you mean you don’t like Andy Griffith?

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Harley wins Teacher of the Year, probably cause he keeps the kids entertained after school.

Harley: It was a graveyard smash!

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Every morning Harley walks with the kids the mile from the house to the bus stop.

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And then the bus takes off, not bothering to wait for the mummy.  Haven’t we all had those days watching the bus pull away? I always felt they could see me and were laughing.

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Nothing scarier than a teacher in the library!

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Harley: I’m gonna catch that bus next time!

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Should I make this the last of the stakeout shots? They crack me up every time.

Harley’s sister: I think someone’s watching me.

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Last time I mentioned that Clark and Clarka both rolled Illustrious Author.  Well, so did Raging.

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And so did Clarkette.

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And so Clark gets to work as well.

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Clarka also gets to writing. Isn’t this exciting?

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This shot is only to show that J. J. aged up to adult.

J. J.: Aren’t you going to show what I look like after?

Really? You don’t get how this works by now? YOU LOOK THE SAME.

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J. J.: Well, I’m an adult now, so I have to get serious with my skilling.

Adults turn off their cell phones when they’re IN A LIBRARY.

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Dewey was working on his martial arts skills when he got a call to do a skill opportunity.

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Dewey: Get more strength? Piece of cake.

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Dewey: Easiest opportunity ever.

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Clarka decides for her first painting she was going to tackle the hugest canvas she could find.

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That’s kind of impressive.

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Beef finally tops off the Private Investigator career so the town holds a celebration in her honor.  Any words Beef?

B. S.: A SIMBOT!

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Luke: I JUST WANTED TO SAY CONGRATS:(

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J. J.: So, I know that you’re a mummy… but can you…

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Ew…

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LTW updates: Joey Jr. finally made it to the symphonic branch of her career.

J. J.: This dress is so lame.

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And Dewey maxed out athletic.

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Whatever happened to the Transylvanian Twist???

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Suddenly, the whole family upped and moved to Sunset Valley! You know what that means!

Yep, I had like 3 Error Code 12s.

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Clarka: Wow! The bus came right up to our mailbox!

Yes, this is what normal people do who don’t have to create their own lot. Good Riddance, Twinbrook.

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Clarka: I can’t believe I got a boy to take me to his house.

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Probably cause this boy and his family are weirder than you, Clarka.

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Clarka: How about if I don’t bathe and talk to myself?

OK, you win.

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Looks like Tamara Donner found the trampoline!

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See, I called her Tamara Donner instead of making up a name for her.

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That’s because I’ve played Sunset Valley QUITE a few times. So at least for a generation I won’t have to write names down.

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Um.  I should make sure she’s OK. I guess.

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Birthday time (AGAIN).

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Clark gets the trait Eccentric.

Clark: BEEP BEEP.

Yep, that’s pretty Eccentric.

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Clarka: This was such a special occasion, I took a bath.

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Congrats, Clarka, you are now Hot-Headed!

Clarka: SCREW YOU.

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Clarkette: Hope it’s chocolate for me!

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Clarkette rolls Lucky.

Clarkette: I sure don’t feel Lucky.

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Raging: Yes, we’re gonna have a party, party.

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Raging is now a bookworm. Do something Bookworm-y!

Raging: I’d rather eat cake.

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Beef goes out on a case and is surprised to see it’s Gurton! He moved as well.

Gurton: Good luck movin’ up cause I’m…. movin’ out!

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B. S.: I don’t know why I’m bothering to dust for prints, it’s obvious that no-good roommate of his, Luke, did it.

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Dewey: Watch me break this space rock.

OK.  (The screenshot I’ll get of him breaking his hand will be hilarious.)

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Dewey: Hai-yah!

Darn.

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Clarkette: Hey, next time you’re using the “soften terrain” tool, make sure you don’t have moveobjects on, genius.

Why?

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Clarkette: I CAN’T MOVE!

Oops.

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The good news is Beefy got an award for solving her last case. The bad news is she lost a whole lot of friends in the move, so she’s got to earn her charisma challenge rewards all over again.

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B. S.: Do you realize that everyone you know will someday die?

Yeah, this is going to take awhile.

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Harley: WOOLY BULLY…. WOOLY BULLY!

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Raging: Ugh, Dad, you’re a real jerk sometimes.

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Harley: Principal.  PRINCIPALLLLL!

Raging: I know Dad, I know.

J. J.: Let’s make this dual guitars!

Someone’s not getting any sleep tonight.

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B. S.: Thanks for inviting me over, Pauline. I’ve been looking forward to seeing this movie tonight.

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Pauline: My TV is broken.

B. S.: Your TV is broken?

Pauline: My TV is broken.

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B. S.: Let me give fixing this a shot.

Pauline: GO GO ELECTROCUTION!

B. S.: What?

Pauline: Nothing.

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B. S.: Dammit, the movie’s over. Hey where’s Pauline?

Hank: She had to go. Hey, have you seen Sergeant O’Leary’s car?

So the Kent-Bull household is now full of toddlers again.

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Clarka: Don’t take another step closer, or Ken gets it.

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Clarka: I warned you! OM NOM NOM NOM!

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Clark: BUT I DON’T WANNA GO TO THE LIBRARY!

B. S.: Hush. I didn’t teach you to talk yet.

Clark: Oh, right, sorry.

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B. S.: The monster at the end of the book is me, lovable Grover! And you were so scared.

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Now, you can learn to talk.  Of course Beef teaches him about her favorite topic, food.

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I’m glad the heir got the Breckman eyes. They really stand out on Clark.

Clark: And they almost match my shirt!  Hey, mommy’s face is all weird.

Actually, it’s normal, it’s her everyday that’s messed up.

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Running with a baby, yeah that’s safe.  Oh, hi Andy and Joey!

Raging: I could sure use some “incense.”

Really, that’s an odd thought for a toddler to have.

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B. S.: Everyone is different. No two people are not on fire. Awwwww.

Raging: What’s fire?

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Yes, what’s fire?

Maid: BURNINATE BURNINATE!

I swear I just can’t leave this lot unattended for two seconds.

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Reading time over, B. S. works on the basic toddler skills.

B. S.: Jeez, that blue bar is barely budging. Forget this. Home you go.

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Raging: AHHH MY ARMS!

Just be glad you didn’t end up like your mom…FLASHBACK TIME!

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J. J.: I think I was taller then than I am now.

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If you haven’t noticed the pattern by now, yes, I’m reading to the kids all the toddler books.

B. S.: OK, I’ll try some green eggs and ham. Thanks for offering. OK, we’re done.

Beef’s gotten tired and is drastically shortening the books now.

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B. S.: And then the giving tree said “find your branches somewhere else, no way are you chopping me up.”

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Robbing mailboxes again?

B. S.: It’s my birthday today, and I don’t want to celebrate it, so I figure if I work it’ll just pass on by unnoticed.

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SURPRISE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

B. S.: I am so going to kill “guy who wears a pillbox hat” for telling everyone.  Why’s a dude wearing a pillbox hat anyway?

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B. S.: Hmm, I sense death here.

It’s the graveyard, genius.

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B. S.: Shh! I must tiptoe to get to the bottom of this.

I’m sure you won’t wake those who sleep here.  Hey, with you working all the time, who takes care of the kids?

B. S.: I took care of it.

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Harley: DIAPER CHANGE!!  CHANNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGE!

That’s not scary at ALL!

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Advancing up the investigator career ladder, Beefy gets better at stakeouts.

B. S.: Old people are never up to any good.

Old lady: Oh yes, today’s Family Circus was HILARIOUS.

B. S.: See?

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Learning Xylophone are we?

Clark: Mmhmm.

You know, I got a favor to ask you.

Clark: Mmm?

I promised the readers shots of toddlers with things in your mouth so could you…

Clark: No.

C’mon, please?

Clark: No.

I’ll put you in the cursed coffin if you don’t.

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YAY! Isn’t it cute?

Clark: I’m so going to find a way to crash your game.

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B. S.: Hey Harley, have you ever heard of DEODORANT???

Harley: CHECK.   CHECCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!

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While working on a case, Beef runs into Gurton!  Long time no see! Of course, the two catch up by making fun of some random old dude reading outside the theater.

B. S.: I bet he’s reading about his incontinent bladder!

Gurton: Ha ha she said bladder!

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It’s Birthday time! Bear with me we have four right in a row.

Dewey: Good thing I love cake!

You won’t for long.

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Clark: Yay, I’m all sparkly!

You’re probably gonna die now.

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Clark: You are so not funny.

To go with Loner and Hates the Outdoors, Clark is now Ambitious. And he’s locked in a LTW of Illustrious Author already!

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Now it’s Clarka’s turn!

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Clarka: I hope I get hair!

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Clarka: Eh, not bad, I guess.

To go with Clumsy and Insane, Clarka is now Hot-Headed. And like her brother, she wants to be an Illustrious Author.

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Clarkette gets ready to blow out her candles.

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You know, they should allow theme parties in The Sims 3 so you could have a fireman party and be prepared for this.

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After putting out the fire and buying yet another cake…

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Clarkette aged up to Absent Minded, to add to Loves the Outdoors and Excitable.

Clarkette: Can I go to bed now? We’ve been eating cake and blowing noisemakers all day.

No. We have one more.

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Look at Beef’s bald spot!

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Raging: I hope I stay cute!

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Raging: Oh boy, Cake. And I think I look like my mom.

Raging is now Grumpy, to go with Brave and Perceptive.

That’s it for now, next time the kids finally go to school, where the Kent-Bulls will make up more than half the class.

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Oh no, are we off to the airport to fly to Egypt again??

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Aw, it’s actually a double wedding.  Beef Supreme put on her best Mummy face.

J. J.: Hey, Harley, turn your darn ringer off while we’re doing our vows.

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B. S.: I love you, Dewey Kent. I’m happy to become Beef Supreme Kent.

Dewey: I love Dewey Kent too.

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Looks like most of the guests were only here for Joey and Harley.

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For their honeymoon, the Kents went to explore more tombs. Sigh.

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Yep, even more burnings and pushings, this couple has a weird idea of “Fun.”

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And Beef in her swim wear!  Feel free to stop me at any time here.

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Hey, you know when you go to a friends house and they just got back from vacation, and they keep showing you slides…

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And you just want them to stop, but you don’t know how to say the right words?

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I mean, sometimes you get a cute shot like Dewey in his inflatable ducky lifesaver.

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But most are boring shots complaining about how bad the sink at the base camp was.

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Eventually you just wish you could get hit by a hundred poison darts so you don’t have to see one more damn slide.

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Instead you finally scream “ENOUGH WITH THE STUPID VACATION SLIDES, WE’VE ALL SEEN EGYPT ALREADY IN THE LAST SEVERAL CHAPTERS!”

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Fortunately this trip got Beef close to her goal of $20,000 worth of relics…

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But she still needs about ONE more trip. Sorry.

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We got this cool sarcophagus though.

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I know what you two did in there! Heh.

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With two days to kill until the next Egypt trip, Beef Supreme decided to get a job. Wait, I thought she had one.

B. S.: You made fun of my slides, so I am quitting photography to become a Private Eye.

Now I feel bad. Not.

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Her first customer is…  a child?

Kid: What’s wrong with your face?

B. S.: Now that’s a case I can’t solve.

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B. S.: So what did you do with the kid’s mouthwash?

Lady: I put it on my pancakes.

Ewww.

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B. S.: She took it to put on her pancakes.

Kid: Playing Private Eyes is boring, I want a new game.

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Gurton: Hmm, I wonder what it is time for.

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Gurton: I know, Beefy’s in her underwear, so it must be my birthday!

J. J.: CUT THE DARN CAKE ALREADY!

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Gurton: Oh yeah, I look good at any age.

Cool, now move out.

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But first…

B. S.: Oh yeah, I was cooking waffles when I heard there was cake in the other room!

Gurton: I’m too cool to panic for a fire.

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Back at work, Beef finds new ways to let the game humiliate her.

B. S.: Why is the magnifying glass on my butt?

Because we want it BIGGER!

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Old Man: Mrs. Kent, I have finally got a girlfriend, and I would like to know if my family loves her so I can spend my last remaining days with a woman who loves me.

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Girl: Grandpa’s girlfriend doesn’t like the Jonas Brothers, so I hate her.

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Blink 182 fan: She told me to act my age, and I don’t even know what it is.

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B. S.: It’s a no go, sir.

Old Man: Oh that’s OK, I was lucky to have her for a few minutes.

He died that night, I’m serious.

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Harley had a birthday. I didn’t get him a cake, or even an after shot.  (Here’s a hint. HE LOOKED THE SAME.)

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Back in Egypt I was just tomb exploring with Beef and Dewey, not bothering to even take screen shots cause I just wanted to get it over with… when…

Indiana Jones: Hi.

Apparently explorers sometimes just sit in the tombs.

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So yeah, we’re back to this again.

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And then Beef sat down to a nice meal when…

dead monitor

B. S.: Who turned the lights out.

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B. S.: Woahhhh what happened??

My monitor died. I had to get a new one, and they don’t make monitors with a 4 x 3 ratio anymore. So welcome to the wide-screen era!

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The Sphinx looks pretty cool.

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Dewey: THE BUGS STILL SUCK!!!

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I am so sick of Egypt.

Dewey: We have to move ALL these statues?

Oh yeah.

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Long story short… TOO LATE…  Anyway, Beef got enough relics to fill her LTW. So on to the next stage of life.

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Dewey: Cool, a new sarcah.. sarco… coffin thingy.

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If the sarcophagus is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’.

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Harley: Four can play this game.

This is getting a bit weird.

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Back at work… Beef, what are you doing.

B. S.: Stakeout. Shhhh, here she comes.

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Mysterious Woman up to no good: Did I hear something?

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Nefarious Man making nefarious plans: It’s vital no one knows what we are up to.

This couple has to be the blindest couple ever.

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When B. S. got home and changed into her pajamas… something happened to her!

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Ahh.. I think I see what happened here.

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Looks like mummies can’t be… well, mummies.

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Those girls really do EVERYTHING together.

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Next time, we find out who has the better looking babies.  Like it’s that big of a mystery.

OK, I was able to recover from seeing that simbot. Sorry. Anyway, we last left the Breckman family in Egypt.

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Joey Jr.: Walk like an Egyptian…

Beef Supreme: Interesting acoustic cover.

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The girls then decided to go help out the locals by answering their ads on the adventure board. Just like last time. And every time sims go to Al Simhara. You know the drill.

B. S.: This place is a dump.

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B. S.: One of these days I’m gonna regret shoving my arm in random holes.

Probably because it’ll get stuck.

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B. S.: This is SOOO normal. Everybody’s house has a “stick your hand in the hole” basement stairs.

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Adventuring went a little easier this time with both the girls in action.

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J. J.: *pant* Wouldn’t it be better *pant* to get the boys to help out instead?

Probably, but I’m kicking them out ASAP, so you better get used to it now.

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And in no time at all, Beefy had finished off the tomb, finding the lady’s … papers or whatever.

B. S.: You really should start reading quest descriptions.

I never have before, why start now?

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I’m just going to make up my own.

Fat Storekeeper: Fetch me some copper, and I will give you whatever you want.

B. S.: TURKEY LEG!

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Looks like she’s gotten right on it.

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Or maybe she just went to bed.

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Gurton: I got to get this copper again why?

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Monk: I don’t know, Beef said we had to, but I figured it was the best way to get us screen time. We get ignored more than Luke.

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Meanwhile, Luke’s gone off to see the sights.

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Can you find Luke?

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There he is! Looks like he’s nonplussed by the Sphinx.Screenshot-775

I wonder how ancient Sims built all this, and if this is zoned Commercial, Residential, or Industrial.

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Impressive.

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Luke: Meh.

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And this completes Luke’s Tomb Tour opportunity.

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Luke: Thank God, this running all over was like getting a tooth drilled.

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B. S.: I can haz turkey leg?

Fat Shopkeeper: Next I need mummitonium!

If you didn’t know, this stuff takes a while to find, so we let Joey Jr. have a few opportunities now.

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Another Egyptian Whose Name I Did Not Write Down: Hello, ma’am. I bought a house from a crazy Egyptian booby trap inventor. Could you please go down in my basement and make it less dangerous?

J. J.: Sure why not.

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J. J.: This is the part where I show how easy it is, and then you cut to me on fire, right?

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If you insist.

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Yeah, I really like the four arms are better than two approach.

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So Beef Supreme had jumped in that dive well in the last picture, and was dripping water everywhere, and apparently the home owner felt the urge to come all the way down to mop it up. I was too surprised to catch her in action.

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*disarms trap*

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*disarms trap*

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*disarms…*

B. S.: I AM SO TIRED, WHEN THE HECK IS JOEY JR. GONNA CARRY HER LOAD?

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Gurton: She talked me into taking over, does that count?

Not really.

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J. J.: I disarmed all your traps!

Sure you did.

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B. S.: I found the last mummitonium in the store. I can haz turkey leg?

Nope, we’re going to another tomb.

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J. J.: You know when you told me we’d be tomb exploring in Egypt, I thought they’d be in pyramids, not people’s bike sheds.

B. S.: Tell me about it.

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B. S.: Why is it always me getting burned/shocked/maimed?

J. J.: Cause I’m the pretty one.

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B. S.: Yep, best place to find ancient Egyptian relics is in underground office buildings.

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B. S.: Wait a minute, that PC is broken.

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B. S.: Hello, tech support?

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OK, OK, I’ll buy the fire traps, lightning traps, and ancient artifacts in secret underground office lairs, but instant technical support is WAY too fantastic for me.

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Kids love playing in tombs! They were still there when Beef and Joey left hours later.

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In fact, Beef even took a few hours off for a nap.

Homeowner: This is VERY inappropriate.

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Hush, she bought you a fish for your secret underground office lair.

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Then she hacked your computer.

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J. J.: I’m too tired for another tomb, and I don’t even have a tent.

Don’t worry I sent Luke to buy you one. I don’t know what’s taking so long.

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Luke: I would like to buy…

Shopkeeper: A SIMBOT

*take two*

Luke: I would like..

Shopkeeper: A SIMBOT

*take three*

Shopkeeper: A SIMBOT

I eventually got the tent, but I’m about done with Luke.

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Here’s a few shots you didn’t really need to see.

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It’s swimsuit model, Beef Supreme!

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Ain’t she smokin’ hot?

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Joey Jr. is hydrophobic, so she calls it quits on this tomb.

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Sorry J. J. backed out on you.

B. S.: That’s OK, I’d probably be the one on fire and covered in bugs even if she was still helping.

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Of course, time expired before we could finish up the pyramid. So as soon as we got home B. S. showed off her snake charming skills in the middle of the road.

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This is the coolest thing I’ve ever found in WA.  I make Luke sleep in it.

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Remember Dewey Kent? B. S. finally confessed her love for him.

B. S.: I know you have a girlfriend, but will you dump her for me?

Dewey: OK.

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I wonder what his girlfriend looked like.

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B. S.: I forgive you for calling the cops on me.

Dewey: I have to work now, kthxbye.

And then he left before I could get them to be steady.

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Bald lady: I’m gonna sue for leaving this trampoline for people to get hurt on!

You need to sue your stylist first.

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Joey Jr. makes her own moves on Harley Bull.

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J. J.: Let’s make out.

Harley: Uh huh, I’m dating Tiana.

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J. J.: How about you move in then, best friend? Totally, just as friends.

Harley: Well, that’s OK.

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After moving in Harley suddenly was no longer adverse to cheating on Tiana. Funny how that works.

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But his romantic moves on J. J. still were unfruitful because…

Harley: AH A SIMBOT!

Luke has become my biggest mistake simming.

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Luke: EVERYONE HATES ME.

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Yeah, I’m not shedding a tear. (Don’t worry, he’s not dead.)

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Finally the two lovebirds get alone time.

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Joey seems to gotten farther with Harley than Beefy’s gotten with Dewey.

J. J.: Love’s not a competition, but I’m winning.

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J. J.: Do you know what I’ve been thinking?

Harley: I lay back and think of England.

J. J.: Do you know the real answer?

Harley: I was born to be a dancer.

OK, it makes no sense, but with Harley’s shirt I couldn’t resist.

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Oh, it’s cake time again! Bet you thought you’d get off lucky this time.

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Monk’s finally a Young Adult. He gets Mooch to go with his other traits, which don’t matter cause I instantly kicked him out and let him take Luke with him. Sucks to be a spare Monk.

He and Luke instantly applied for jobs at the science lab, and maybe Monk will get his LTW to be a Creature Robot Crossbreeder. Luke wanted to save lives as a firefighter, so much for that.

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J. J.: Why are you talking about their jobs? I got a job in the music career, and I still live here!

Sorry. They kept having the party after the birthday boy left, which amused me.

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J. J.: You need to dump Tiana.

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Harley: Come in Tiana!

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Harley: Tiana, this is my friend Joey.

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Tiana: I suspect something is going on here.

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*gets ready to have the loudest woohoo ever*

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Tiana: I think you are cheating on me.

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Harley; I have been cheating on you.

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Harley: Oh wait, here’s “break up.” It was under mean. I guess I should have looked there first before doing all that cheating stuff. Oopsie.

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Now unattached, the foursome double-dates in the nursery.

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Harley and B. S.: Will you marry me?

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J. J. and Dewey: Yes!

Next time: A wedding, and Gurton (hopefully) moves out!  And probably more Egypt, since Relic Hunting takes a long time.