Archive for the ‘Dewey Kent’ Category

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We got the phone call that Monk Breckman wasn’t going to be around much longer, so Clarka went over to visit her uncles.  Since Monk was about to die, Clarka decided not to blow his house up.

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Clarka invited her uncle home to say goodbye to his family. Monk had reached that stage of life where you think you are Jean Luc Picard.

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Monk: Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra!

If I let Monk spend too much time with Ethan, the social worker will show up to take him away to prevent him from becoming a Trekkie.

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B. S.: Something happens and I’m Head over Heels.

Monk: We’re boldly going where no one has gone before.

Five feet off the ground? Every townie’s been there.

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Death: SORRY CAPTAIN, YOUR TIME IS UP.

Monk: OK, NOW I’m going where no one has gone before.

That’s probably true, I stuck him in Clarka’s inventory.

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Clark: I guess Uncle Monk died, cause I’m having a birthday!

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Clarka: What’s this “become a responsible adult” crap?

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Most unusual training regimen ever.

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$125 a day. Totally worth it!

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Yay! Ethan will finally get interesting!  One of these days I will totally start caking the little worms the day they’re born.

Maid: I just woke up. Time for free food?

Once again, $125. A day.

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He got the family cyan eyes.

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Ethan loves his mommy!

Ethan: Cause I don’t look like her!

Yeah, you caught a REAL lucky break there.

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Ethan loves his mummy!

Ethan: Cause I don’t look like him!

OK, you caught an even luckier break there.

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The whole family chipped in on Ethan’s skilling.

Ethan: And that’s the tale of our castaways, they’re here for a long long while.

J. J. is teaching him the classics.

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Clarka: You have to learn how to walk before you can learn how to run. And you have to learn to run cause you have to be a good distance from that detonator before it explodes.

Ethan: ‘splodes?

Ernie II: Yeah, ‘splodes. That’s why I’m Ernie II. And Bert’s nowhere to be seen.

Thinking about how Clarka is holding him up makes my head hurt.

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Ethan: Who’s this man behind me?

That’s your daddy. You won’t see him much cause he’s got a lot of books to write. In fact, probably time to hit him with a moodlet manager and chain him back to his desk!

Clark: Is this how Stephen King got famous?

Yes. Yes it is.

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Clarka had been so good for so long.. so it was bound to happen.  This time when the detonator went off, that chain reaction she hoped for at the last party finally happened.

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The heat is on!

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Gurton is the worst cop ever.

Gurton: I don’t know what to do!

Stand there, jump up and down, and yell. It’s so helpful!

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Darlene: I got this.

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Joey Jr. narrowly escapes the fire, but decides sleeping is more important than a shower.

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Although Harley hasn’t used a bathroom since Ethan’s dad was a toddler, he gives potty training a go.

Harley: Poop. POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPP!

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Ethan: Banana jelly beans cow. THIS BOOK MAKES NO SENSE!

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J. J.: And this is the alphabet!

Ethan: But this letter is just this letter backwards! Same with these other two! Just looking at this makes me tired!

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Clark: Come on son, I got an idea.

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Ethan: You are right Daddy, books DO make more sense in the library.

Clark: Funny how that works.

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Ethan: Wait, what’s going on here.

J. J.: I probably shouldn’t have done this in front of the baby.

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J. J.: Hey, Death, couldn’t you have, you know, not have me drop dead in front of a small impressionable child?

Death: LOOK, I’VE HAD NO ROBES FOR WEEKS NOW. I JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE.

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Joey Jr. joins the family cemetery, with the grave closest to the baked goods stand. Cause it’s good for business.

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Ethan: Square peg goes in square hole, round peg goes in round hole, triangle peg goes in triangle hole, and aunt Joey goes in coffin!

Yeah, he’s not TOO screwed up now.

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Ethan: And mallet goes in mouth!

Yeah, why not.

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Head does NOT go in potty. I draw the line there.

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Darlene: Um, don’t mind me, I have to do this for work.

Morgana: That’s ok, when you’re done, can I have a look? I need new furniture and stuff.

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Darlene: Yay, I’m finally an adult.

OK then, could you put your clothes in the hamper?

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Dewey: Things seem much more peaceful now that I’m dead.

Hmm, I would have thought differently of the idea of laying next to Andy Breckman forever.

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Meanwhile, Harley subtly stuck his reward from work in one of the many display cases in the basement. He’s hoping Darlene the cop doesn’t look too close.

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Ken: Here we go again. Hey kid, you have ANY idea how many generations of slobber I have on me?

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Clark: I guess I should be glad you aren’t making me write 24/7, but at least then I was SITTING.

Who’s the guy in the picture?

Clark: Me after I go completely pale and cranky from painting hours on end.

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And it’s birthday time again. Screenshot-1797

Ethan: I have the best parties ever, a mummy and ghost and everything.

No friends, or even other kids, but I guess he doesn’t know better.

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Ethan: I have decided from here on out that I’m going to be Good.

Oh, Dad is not really going to like that…

Tune in next time when Clark and Ethan probably spend a lot of time going person person minus minus.

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So where are you off to, Clarka?

Clarka: I need some scrap.

So the junkyard then?

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Or the Wolff household…

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Clarka: I really don’t like their kitchen. What’s with that wall behind the stove?

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What stove?

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Thornton, you might want to check out what’s going on in your home.

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Thornton: There is a bomb on my end table. I should put this book down and run.

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Morgana: I don’t care much for this Clarka Kent person.

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Clarka wins the rudest guest ever award!

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Clarka: Yes! Just what I needed!

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Clarka: This will make the job much easier.

Well, at least she did some cleaning up.

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Having maxed Logic, Athletics, Charisma, and Music, Harley decides to tackle cooking.

Harley: Chopped.  CHOPPPPPEEDDDD!

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J. J.: Hey, don’t I get a cake at least?

Sorry, I forgot it was your birthday.

J. J.: You get a pop-up the day of!

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J. J.: Finally, I don’t have to wash all that hair.

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Clarka: 500 Science and Math, 600 Technology, 700 Arts… oh screw this.

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Clarka: 662, Explosives!

Blowing up the library cost me thousands of dollars in fines, while blowing up the Wolff’s cost me about 20 bucks per item.  I like the game’s priorities.

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Harley was told by Clarka to have a cook-out and invite everyone he knows.  He doesn’t understand why the picnic tables are grouped so close together.

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The guests, slightly wary, avoid using all the tables.

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Marty: Hey, what’s that on this table?

Clarka: Never you mind…

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After that table exploded, the rest of Clarka’s plan didn’t pan out has she hoped.

So they moved the party inside.

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Clarka: I’ll be way over here, you all stand as close to the dryer as you can.

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While the guests in the living room managed to get out with no problem, the resulting fire did spread to the bathroom.

But Gurton came in and rescued the ladies.

That’s when Clarka discovered the snake charming basket.

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Abraham: There’s a snake in my boot!

Needless to say, Clarka’s just not been right since her resurrection. If she ever was before.

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J. J.: Shouldn’t you help with the cleaning?

Harley: Woahhhhh Listen to the music… woahhh listen to the music… MUSICCC!

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I am so sick of that stereo, sims are turning it on autonomously all the time, but not once do they turn it off.

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Thank you, Clarka.

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Clark continues to write book after book, working his way up to Vaudevilles. Apparently they’re over 1200 page long books, and not plays where mustached villains tie damsels to railroad tracks.

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Cleaning up after the party took days, and sims often got interrupted mid cleaning. I’ve never seen so many flies before.

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We called the repairlady to fix a few things after the party, and apparently she wanted to marry into the family, showing up in a bridal veil.

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Clarka built a time machine, so she could take out her evil urges in the past and future.

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Relieved that she was no longer blowing up stuff in present-day Sunset Valley, the town gave her a medal.

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Now that she was an elder, Beef Supreme got into a hobby enjoyed only by the very young and very old: Fishing.

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Fortunately, instead of keeping these ugly monstrosities in the house, Beef sold them all to the consignment store.

B. S.: It’s either that or Harley makes us sushi, and I hate sushi.

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Not allowed to retire, J. J. catches up on zzz’s anywhere she can.

Mailbox and trashcan: Hey genius, wait for us to load before hitting “C.”

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Reminded by the repairlady’s veil, Clark realizes as heir he has work to do.

Kaylynn: Look, your story about chicken is interesting and all, but I am already married to Ethan Bunch. But, hey, he’s got a ton of sisters, you might try your luck with one of them.

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Clark: Do you like chicken?

Ethan: Is this dude hitting on my sister?

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Darlene: No, I like DIRT!

This girl is definitely legacy material.

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Clark: I know you just ate dirt, but I’ll kiss you anyway.

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Clark: Also, I bought this before I came to the park, hoping some random girl would come home with me.

Darlene: I’LL BE THAT RANDOM GIRL!

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Darlene: Lucky for you, I brought Wedding Bands to the park.

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Clark: And with this ring, we find out what your LTW is. Please don’t be Golddigger… Please don’t be Golddigger…

Fortunately for Clark, it’s International Super Spy.

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Darlene: Um, I live with a Mummy now…

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Darlene: Mummies are AWESOME! I’m so putting this on Youtube.

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At the age of 87, Dewey finally becomes a Sports Legend. I guess if your team goes 1-10 when you play in 2-3 games ever, it takes a while to get the recognition you deserve.

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Realizing she can die at any moment, Beef finally reconciles with her dad’s best friend.

Luke: I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

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Darlene gets to work on the bad side of her job: writing reports on Nick Alto’s garbage.

Darlene: Mr. Alto likes Beer, Mac and cheese, and Highlights Magazine.

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Lt. Wainwright: Good job exposing who stole the Highlights magazines from the pediatric hospital waiting room. You have earned a promotion. Now if only we can make headway on who’s stealing all the cop cars.

Darlene: I’ll keep a look out, but I just haven’t seen any clues at all.

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Robbie Bland: Good job stealing all those cop cars, you’ve earned a promotion.

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Clark: Congrats on making Vice Squad.

Darlene: Yeah, I want to take a break now though.

Clark: To write?

One track mind, that boy.

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Clark: Hey, what were those chimes?

Darlene: Oh, don’t worry about it.

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Dewey: What the hell? I max out athletic and I die before my sedentary wife?

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Death: TELL ME ABOUT IT. MY WIFE DIDN’T EVEN CLEAN MY ROBES SO I HAD TO BORROW THIS CRUMMY OUTFIT FROM STEVE IRWIN.

Dewey: Is that the hole from the Manta Ray?

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Dewey gets buried next to his in-laws, so he too can pop in uninvited at night to play video games.

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For those of you who still haven’t gotten what Darlene’s up to, here’s a gratuitous vomit pic!

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Darlene: Must keep in shape…

Right, can’t afford to lose those attractive Bunch looks.

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B. S.: Crap, this is not happening! Where’d I put that death flower?

Death flower? What Death flower?

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Death: THANKS FOR THE FLOWERS, I NEED THIS TO MAKE UP FOR MY WIFE. AFTER THE STEVE IRWIN INCIDENT I SAID SOME… UNWISE THINGS AND NOW I HAVE TO WEAR THIS.

B. S.: Alright! I’m almost 20 days younger now!

This was so unplanned, I still can’t remember where she found that flower. In fact, I’m pretty sure it was still in seed form.

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So Beef not only holds on long enough to see her grandchild, she’ll see him live into Teenager.

Darlene: It’s going to be a boy? SPOILERS!

You were only 2 seconds away from finding out, please.

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Darlene: His name’s Ethan. Can I eat him?

Um, please don’t.

Ethan is Easily Impressed and Hates the Outdoors.

Anyway, we named him Ethan because, true story, Ethan named his own daughter with Kaylynn “Darlene.” Which I thought was rather weird, but turnabout’s fair play.

See you next time!

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When not hard at work on her books (which is always) Clarkette has taken a new hobby: Fishing. Nice bait Clarkette.

Clarkette: That’s what I just caught…

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Harley and Joey Jr. have formed a duo named the Scarabs and have really been rocking it out for tips.

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Apparently they’re bigger than the Beatles.  Scarabmania!

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The old people, however, just don’t get it. Typical.

Harley: Everybody’s got something to hide, except for me and my mummy!

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Clarkette: Finally, I caught something I can be proud of.

Isn’t it rather dark?

Clarkette: So?

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Clarkette: Crud.

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Dewey: I’m disappointed in you. When you’re supposed to be somewhere, you should be there.

Clarkette: Like you at the game?

Dewey: Hey, I forgot I was supposed to go.

True story. Dewey’s missed like 5 games out of 7 so far. I keep forgetting to send him cause they practically never send a carpool. The Team loses 14-0 every single time. Yet Dewey’s MVP. I guess cause they can’t win without him.

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Clarkette: Screw this, I’m going out to eat. They can’t arrest me twice for the same crime. Double Jeopardy.

That’s not how it works. They don’t arrest her though.

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Dewey gets his lifetime wish!

Dewey: All that skipping work paid off!

This update is full of valuable lessons…

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Harley tries to make friends.

Harley: …and when there was no meat, we ate fowl and when there was no fowl, we ate crawdad and when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate sand.

Claire: You ate what?

Harley: We ate sand.

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Claire: You ate SAND?

Harley: That’s right.

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Clarka: Screw writing, I’m gonna become a master inventor.

Malcolm: Is this the house where that scary mummy lady lives?

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Clarka: Oh, crap, where’s the shower?

Inside. But I think you just get singed the first time.

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Clarka: I’m pretty sure that’s not true. You can die the first time.

Really? Let me go look it up.

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Clarka: I DON’T THINK WE HAVE TIME!

Shush, it’ll only take a…

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Clarka: Don’t worry about it, I got it covered.  Hey, this is a lovely shade of orange.

Whoops.

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Clarka Kent was about a week from becoming a YA. She now rests next to her grandparents.

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Joey Jr. took it pretty hard. She had to console herself by having a blast on the trampoline.

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Dewey: Did something happen?

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Raging: So you just go around pickin’ up dead people?

Death: NO JUST THEIR SOULS.

Raging: That’s pretty cool.

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Guys, your sister is dead.

Clarkette: That would make a good Act III.

Clark: Dead sister won’t get this homework done any faster.

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Clark: Yep, knew that wouldn’t fly as a skip school excuse. Glad I did my homework.

Wow, Harley’s a real jerk. Making his son, niece, and nephew all go to school the morning after his niece dies.

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B. S.: While you all were mouring, I went and did something about it.

Clarka: I’m baaack…

Oh, great, another monster in the house. I really should have named this legacy the Addams Family.

Clarka: The Addams Family was just weird. I think you mean The Munsters.

Oh hush, no one likes The Munsters.

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Clarka: Back to inventing.

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Clarka: NOT AGAIN.

You can’t die twice.

Clarka: I DON’T WANT TO TAKE THAT CHANCE, GO GET HELP.

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Harley will save you.

Clarka: Well, I’m doomed then.

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Harley: Help.  HELLP.

Clarka: THEN DO IT ALREADY!

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Luckily, all mummies carry fire extinguishers.

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In honor of all Beef’s rooting through people’s garbage, breaking into their mailboxes, and disguising herself as small shrubbery, the mayor gave her an award.

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Is that a letter opener?

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Beef Supreme is finally becoming an elder.  The Kents decided to have their first huge party in a while. Even Monk and Gurton showed up.

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B. S.: Of course, I’m still a mummy. (sigh)

Blonde Lady: HA HA HA. You’re still funny looking!

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Clarkette: What’s a birthday party without catfish?

Mmmm… Cake and catfish.

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Clarkette is such a natural fisherwoman, she even levels in fishing when she dreams about it.

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Dewey: How come I don’t get a party in the park?

You’re the one who likes staying home so much. Maybe if you went to your games, I’d give you a real party.

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Dewey: Can I retire now?

Sure, but only in the Brett Favre meaning of the word.

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Joey Jr. Breckman is now a Hit Movie Composer.

J. J.: Yep, my score for Saw XIV put me over the top.

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And then, cause I’ve never done it before, I gave her a midlife crisis. She’s now a Born Saleswoman, Natural Cook, Loves the Outdoors, Childish, and Neat.

J. J.: Oh my! This dollhouse is a MESS!

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Now the moment we’ve all been waiting for.. the heir is becoming a Young Adult!

Clark: Why don’t I get a party in the…

SHUT UP.

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Control of the household has now passed over to Clark. And his last trait is Evil.

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Now it’s Clarkette’s turn. She even skills up fishing when blowing out candles.

Clarkette: I wish for a fish.

On a dish?

SWISH!

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Clarkette is now a party animal.

Clarkette: And it’s not a party unless you’re in your underwear!

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Raging: I’m scared, what if I turn ugly?

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Raging: I worried for nothing.

Mr. Bull is now a hopeless romantic.

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Clarka: Wait, ghosts can age up too?

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Clarka is now inappropriate.

Clarka: Who invited the help?

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What’s that on the stove?

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Clarka: It’s a detonator.

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The explosion also hit the nursery.

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Yeah, I guess Clarka is a Talking Heads fan.

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Three Hundred Sixty Five Degrees

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

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Even Clarka’s panicking, and she started this whole mess.

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Clarkette: This house is just too crazy for me, me and Raging are moving out.

And so they did, and then story progression made them go steady. First cousins, going steady.

Well, Clarka, I hope you learned your lesson.

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Clarka: Yep, blow stuff up in OTHER people’s houses, not your own.

And that concludes Book Two. Next time we finally start Book Three: Clark Kent.

Sergeant O’Leary is walkin’ the beat, at night he becomes a bartender.

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And that’s what he was doing when Harley the Mummy stole his patrol car.  Darn those kleptomaniac mummies!

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And meanwhile, Beef Supreme has backslid on her hiding skills.  And once again it’s the old people she’s spying on.

Old Man: What do you mean you don’t like Andy Griffith?

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Harley wins Teacher of the Year, probably cause he keeps the kids entertained after school.

Harley: It was a graveyard smash!

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Every morning Harley walks with the kids the mile from the house to the bus stop.

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And then the bus takes off, not bothering to wait for the mummy.  Haven’t we all had those days watching the bus pull away? I always felt they could see me and were laughing.

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Nothing scarier than a teacher in the library!

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Harley: I’m gonna catch that bus next time!

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Should I make this the last of the stakeout shots? They crack me up every time.

Harley’s sister: I think someone’s watching me.

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Last time I mentioned that Clark and Clarka both rolled Illustrious Author.  Well, so did Raging.

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And so did Clarkette.

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And so Clark gets to work as well.

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Clarka also gets to writing. Isn’t this exciting?

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This shot is only to show that J. J. aged up to adult.

J. J.: Aren’t you going to show what I look like after?

Really? You don’t get how this works by now? YOU LOOK THE SAME.

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J. J.: Well, I’m an adult now, so I have to get serious with my skilling.

Adults turn off their cell phones when they’re IN A LIBRARY.

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Dewey was working on his martial arts skills when he got a call to do a skill opportunity.

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Dewey: Get more strength? Piece of cake.

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Dewey: Easiest opportunity ever.

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Clarka decides for her first painting she was going to tackle the hugest canvas she could find.

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That’s kind of impressive.

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Beef finally tops off the Private Investigator career so the town holds a celebration in her honor.  Any words Beef?

B. S.: A SIMBOT!

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Luke: I JUST WANTED TO SAY CONGRATS:(

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J. J.: So, I know that you’re a mummy… but can you…

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Ew…

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LTW updates: Joey Jr. finally made it to the symphonic branch of her career.

J. J.: This dress is so lame.

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And Dewey maxed out athletic.

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Whatever happened to the Transylvanian Twist???

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Suddenly, the whole family upped and moved to Sunset Valley! You know what that means!

Yep, I had like 3 Error Code 12s.

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Clarka: Wow! The bus came right up to our mailbox!

Yes, this is what normal people do who don’t have to create their own lot. Good Riddance, Twinbrook.

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Clarka: I can’t believe I got a boy to take me to his house.

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Probably cause this boy and his family are weirder than you, Clarka.

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Clarka: How about if I don’t bathe and talk to myself?

OK, you win.

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Looks like Tamara Donner found the trampoline!

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See, I called her Tamara Donner instead of making up a name for her.

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That’s because I’ve played Sunset Valley QUITE a few times. So at least for a generation I won’t have to write names down.

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Um.  I should make sure she’s OK. I guess.

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Birthday time (AGAIN).

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Clark gets the trait Eccentric.

Clark: BEEP BEEP.

Yep, that’s pretty Eccentric.

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Clarka: This was such a special occasion, I took a bath.

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Congrats, Clarka, you are now Hot-Headed!

Clarka: SCREW YOU.

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Clarkette: Hope it’s chocolate for me!

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Clarkette rolls Lucky.

Clarkette: I sure don’t feel Lucky.

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Raging: Yes, we’re gonna have a party, party.

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Raging is now a bookworm. Do something Bookworm-y!

Raging: I’d rather eat cake.

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Beef goes out on a case and is surprised to see it’s Gurton! He moved as well.

Gurton: Good luck movin’ up cause I’m…. movin’ out!

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B. S.: I don’t know why I’m bothering to dust for prints, it’s obvious that no-good roommate of his, Luke, did it.

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Dewey: Watch me break this space rock.

OK.  (The screenshot I’ll get of him breaking his hand will be hilarious.)

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Dewey: Hai-yah!

Darn.

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Clarkette: Hey, next time you’re using the “soften terrain” tool, make sure you don’t have moveobjects on, genius.

Why?

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Clarkette: I CAN’T MOVE!

Oops.

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The good news is Beefy got an award for solving her last case. The bad news is she lost a whole lot of friends in the move, so she’s got to earn her charisma challenge rewards all over again.

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B. S.: Do you realize that everyone you know will someday die?

Yeah, this is going to take awhile.

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Harley: WOOLY BULLY…. WOOLY BULLY!

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Raging: Ugh, Dad, you’re a real jerk sometimes.

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Harley: Principal.  PRINCIPALLLLL!

Raging: I know Dad, I know.

J. J.: Let’s make this dual guitars!

Someone’s not getting any sleep tonight.

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B. S.: Thanks for inviting me over, Pauline. I’ve been looking forward to seeing this movie tonight.

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Pauline: My TV is broken.

B. S.: Your TV is broken?

Pauline: My TV is broken.

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B. S.: Let me give fixing this a shot.

Pauline: GO GO ELECTROCUTION!

B. S.: What?

Pauline: Nothing.

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B. S.: Dammit, the movie’s over. Hey where’s Pauline?

Hank: She had to go. Hey, have you seen Sergeant O’Leary’s car?

So the Kent-Bull household is now full of toddlers again.

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Clarka: Don’t take another step closer, or Ken gets it.

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Clarka: I warned you! OM NOM NOM NOM!

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Clark: BUT I DON’T WANNA GO TO THE LIBRARY!

B. S.: Hush. I didn’t teach you to talk yet.

Clark: Oh, right, sorry.

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B. S.: The monster at the end of the book is me, lovable Grover! And you were so scared.

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Now, you can learn to talk.  Of course Beef teaches him about her favorite topic, food.

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I’m glad the heir got the Breckman eyes. They really stand out on Clark.

Clark: And they almost match my shirt!  Hey, mommy’s face is all weird.

Actually, it’s normal, it’s her everyday that’s messed up.

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Running with a baby, yeah that’s safe.  Oh, hi Andy and Joey!

Raging: I could sure use some “incense.”

Really, that’s an odd thought for a toddler to have.

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B. S.: Everyone is different. No two people are not on fire. Awwwww.

Raging: What’s fire?

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Yes, what’s fire?

Maid: BURNINATE BURNINATE!

I swear I just can’t leave this lot unattended for two seconds.

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Reading time over, B. S. works on the basic toddler skills.

B. S.: Jeez, that blue bar is barely budging. Forget this. Home you go.

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Raging: AHHH MY ARMS!

Just be glad you didn’t end up like your mom…FLASHBACK TIME!

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J. J.: I think I was taller then than I am now.

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If you haven’t noticed the pattern by now, yes, I’m reading to the kids all the toddler books.

B. S.: OK, I’ll try some green eggs and ham. Thanks for offering. OK, we’re done.

Beef’s gotten tired and is drastically shortening the books now.

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B. S.: And then the giving tree said “find your branches somewhere else, no way are you chopping me up.”

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Robbing mailboxes again?

B. S.: It’s my birthday today, and I don’t want to celebrate it, so I figure if I work it’ll just pass on by unnoticed.

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SURPRISE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

B. S.: I am so going to kill “guy who wears a pillbox hat” for telling everyone.  Why’s a dude wearing a pillbox hat anyway?

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B. S.: Hmm, I sense death here.

It’s the graveyard, genius.

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B. S.: Shh! I must tiptoe to get to the bottom of this.

I’m sure you won’t wake those who sleep here.  Hey, with you working all the time, who takes care of the kids?

B. S.: I took care of it.

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Harley: DIAPER CHANGE!!  CHANNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGE!

That’s not scary at ALL!

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Advancing up the investigator career ladder, Beefy gets better at stakeouts.

B. S.: Old people are never up to any good.

Old lady: Oh yes, today’s Family Circus was HILARIOUS.

B. S.: See?

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Learning Xylophone are we?

Clark: Mmhmm.

You know, I got a favor to ask you.

Clark: Mmm?

I promised the readers shots of toddlers with things in your mouth so could you…

Clark: No.

C’mon, please?

Clark: No.

I’ll put you in the cursed coffin if you don’t.

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YAY! Isn’t it cute?

Clark: I’m so going to find a way to crash your game.

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B. S.: Hey Harley, have you ever heard of DEODORANT???

Harley: CHECK.   CHECCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!

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While working on a case, Beef runs into Gurton!  Long time no see! Of course, the two catch up by making fun of some random old dude reading outside the theater.

B. S.: I bet he’s reading about his incontinent bladder!

Gurton: Ha ha she said bladder!

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It’s Birthday time! Bear with me we have four right in a row.

Dewey: Good thing I love cake!

You won’t for long.

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Clark: Yay, I’m all sparkly!

You’re probably gonna die now.

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Clark: You are so not funny.

To go with Loner and Hates the Outdoors, Clark is now Ambitious. And he’s locked in a LTW of Illustrious Author already!

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Now it’s Clarka’s turn!

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Clarka: I hope I get hair!

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Clarka: Eh, not bad, I guess.

To go with Clumsy and Insane, Clarka is now Hot-Headed. And like her brother, she wants to be an Illustrious Author.

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Clarkette gets ready to blow out her candles.

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You know, they should allow theme parties in The Sims 3 so you could have a fireman party and be prepared for this.

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After putting out the fire and buying yet another cake…

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Clarkette aged up to Absent Minded, to add to Loves the Outdoors and Excitable.

Clarkette: Can I go to bed now? We’ve been eating cake and blowing noisemakers all day.

No. We have one more.

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Look at Beef’s bald spot!

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Raging: I hope I stay cute!

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Raging: Oh boy, Cake. And I think I look like my mom.

Raging is now Grumpy, to go with Brave and Perceptive.

That’s it for now, next time the kids finally go to school, where the Kent-Bulls will make up more than half the class.

So last time, Beef Supreme and Joey Jr. were expecting babies.

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Harley: You know I realized that I’ve been in this family a while now and you all don’t know anything about me. Like I’m Athletic, Virtuoso, Artistic, Kleptomaniac, and a Mooch. My LTW is living in the lap of luxury, which fulfilled as soon as I moved in.

Blah Blah Blah. No one cares.

Harley: Dewey is Unlucky, Disciplined, Excitable, Genius and is also a Mooch. His LTW is Physical Perfection.

Just shut up.

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See, you put everyone to sleep.  Notice Beef Supreme has no Mummy face now.

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And now she does!  It makes no sense.

Creepy Dishwasher (I really got to start writing these people’s names down): ME WANNA FEEL BABY!

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Beef had a job to investigate this guy, and he just kept getting weirder.

Creepy Dishwasher: You’re the dirty water to my pretty flower vase.

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But Beefy happily broke into people’s mailboxes (a federal offense, mind you) for the Creepster.

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B. S.: Here you go, sir. (Hey, no mummy face again.)

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B. S.: Oh, Good Lord, this hurts! Where’s my lousy husband???

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J. J.: She must be somebody’s baby… She’s got to be somebody’s baby.. She’s so fine… She’s probably somebody’s only light, gonna shine tonight…

Dewey: Gonna sell me Bob Marley records, Gonna get me some Jackson Browne.

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B. S.: Husbands, who needs ‘em.

In the crib is our first born heir, Clark Kent. He is a loner and hates the outdoors.  Second born is his sister Clarka. She is clumsy and insane.

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And here we have another daughter, Clarkette!  She is excitable, and loves the outdoors.

B. S.: OK, I’m done, it’s Joey’s turn.

Right you are so here we go.

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J. J.: Oh, Harley…

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J. J.: Harley!

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J. J.: HARLEY!!!!!!!!!

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J. J.: You know, if you weren’t a dude, you wouldn’t be so amused by all this.

Sorry. This is Raging Bull. He is brave and perceptive.

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And now the obligatory “You’re a Bad Mother!” shot.

J. J.: It’s not my fault you only bought three cribs.

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J. J.: See, I’m a good mommy!

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Wait a minute…

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That’s not your kid, your kid is behind you.

J. J.: Oh.

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Beef goes back to work almost immediately. Hey, aren’t you afraid of finding rats or bugs in there?

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B. S.: NOT UNTIL NOW!!!

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Meanwhile, it appears Harley shouldn’t have been sleeping in that sarcophagus.

Harley: CURSE! CURRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSE!

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Ah, I see now, Mummies can’t be Mummies, but they can be Daddies!

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The bad thing about Real Mummies (as opposed to ugly people with messed up faces) is that they walk real slow. So that’s what cars are for.

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Harley: Friends! Frieeeennnnnnnnnnndddddss!

Scared Fellow: Um, sure, I guess you can come inside.

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Of course, he had to walk forever to get there.

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Harley: Thank… you… inviting… home…. HOMMMMMME!

Apparently, not everyone who lived there could handle seeing mummies.

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After getting to know the neighbors, Harley then went to go kick some flamethrower wielding bear ass. And he totally did. Twice.

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J. J.: Rugrats R Us? Yes I’d like to hire a babysitter. I’ve HAD IT with FOUR screaming babies!

Um, yeah, while I was playing with Harley, I left Joey Jr. and Dewey to take care of the kids.

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The best thing Harley brought back from the catacombs was this gnome, who I named Alton Brown.

Alton Brown: And I hope you now have a greater understanding of why Stu Surprise is….

GOOD EATS!

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Quick! Look! The babysitter is handling a baby!

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Too late, you missed it.

Babysitter: PARTY TIME!

Indeed it is, time to see what all these little brats darlings look like.

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First, we have Raging Bull.

Raging: I’m BALD!

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Clarka: At least you’re a boy! I’m a BALD GIRL!

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Clarkette: Yay! I’m cute!

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Clark: I aged up last! Does that mean I’m not the heir now?

Nah, I’m not going to bother keeping up with who ages up when. You’ll probably die first.

Clark: What’s die?

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Nothing says “birthday party” like raw hot dogs.

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And that’s all for now! See you next time which will probably have WAY too many shots of toddlers shoving things in their mouths.

Harley: Clean! CLEAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!

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Oh no, are we off to the airport to fly to Egypt again??

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Aw, it’s actually a double wedding.  Beef Supreme put on her best Mummy face.

J. J.: Hey, Harley, turn your darn ringer off while we’re doing our vows.

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B. S.: I love you, Dewey Kent. I’m happy to become Beef Supreme Kent.

Dewey: I love Dewey Kent too.

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Looks like most of the guests were only here for Joey and Harley.

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For their honeymoon, the Kents went to explore more tombs. Sigh.

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Yep, even more burnings and pushings, this couple has a weird idea of “Fun.”

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And Beef in her swim wear!  Feel free to stop me at any time here.

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Hey, you know when you go to a friends house and they just got back from vacation, and they keep showing you slides…

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And you just want them to stop, but you don’t know how to say the right words?

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I mean, sometimes you get a cute shot like Dewey in his inflatable ducky lifesaver.

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But most are boring shots complaining about how bad the sink at the base camp was.

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Eventually you just wish you could get hit by a hundred poison darts so you don’t have to see one more damn slide.

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Instead you finally scream “ENOUGH WITH THE STUPID VACATION SLIDES, WE’VE ALL SEEN EGYPT ALREADY IN THE LAST SEVERAL CHAPTERS!”

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Fortunately this trip got Beef close to her goal of $20,000 worth of relics…

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But she still needs about ONE more trip. Sorry.

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We got this cool sarcophagus though.

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I know what you two did in there! Heh.

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With two days to kill until the next Egypt trip, Beef Supreme decided to get a job. Wait, I thought she had one.

B. S.: You made fun of my slides, so I am quitting photography to become a Private Eye.

Now I feel bad. Not.

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Her first customer is…  a child?

Kid: What’s wrong with your face?

B. S.: Now that’s a case I can’t solve.

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B. S.: So what did you do with the kid’s mouthwash?

Lady: I put it on my pancakes.

Ewww.

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B. S.: She took it to put on her pancakes.

Kid: Playing Private Eyes is boring, I want a new game.

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Gurton: Hmm, I wonder what it is time for.

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Gurton: I know, Beefy’s in her underwear, so it must be my birthday!

J. J.: CUT THE DARN CAKE ALREADY!

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Gurton: Oh yeah, I look good at any age.

Cool, now move out.

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But first…

B. S.: Oh yeah, I was cooking waffles when I heard there was cake in the other room!

Gurton: I’m too cool to panic for a fire.

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Back at work, Beef finds new ways to let the game humiliate her.

B. S.: Why is the magnifying glass on my butt?

Because we want it BIGGER!

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Old Man: Mrs. Kent, I have finally got a girlfriend, and I would like to know if my family loves her so I can spend my last remaining days with a woman who loves me.

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Girl: Grandpa’s girlfriend doesn’t like the Jonas Brothers, so I hate her.

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Blink 182 fan: She told me to act my age, and I don’t even know what it is.

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B. S.: It’s a no go, sir.

Old Man: Oh that’s OK, I was lucky to have her for a few minutes.

He died that night, I’m serious.

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Harley had a birthday. I didn’t get him a cake, or even an after shot.  (Here’s a hint. HE LOOKED THE SAME.)

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Back in Egypt I was just tomb exploring with Beef and Dewey, not bothering to even take screen shots cause I just wanted to get it over with… when…

Indiana Jones: Hi.

Apparently explorers sometimes just sit in the tombs.

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So yeah, we’re back to this again.

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And then Beef sat down to a nice meal when…

dead monitor

B. S.: Who turned the lights out.

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B. S.: Woahhhh what happened??

My monitor died. I had to get a new one, and they don’t make monitors with a 4 x 3 ratio anymore. So welcome to the wide-screen era!

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The Sphinx looks pretty cool.

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Dewey: THE BUGS STILL SUCK!!!

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I am so sick of Egypt.

Dewey: We have to move ALL these statues?

Oh yeah.

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Long story short… TOO LATE…  Anyway, Beef got enough relics to fill her LTW. So on to the next stage of life.

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Dewey: Cool, a new sarcah.. sarco… coffin thingy.

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If the sarcophagus is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’.

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Harley: Four can play this game.

This is getting a bit weird.

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Back at work… Beef, what are you doing.

B. S.: Stakeout. Shhhh, here she comes.

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Mysterious Woman up to no good: Did I hear something?

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Nefarious Man making nefarious plans: It’s vital no one knows what we are up to.

This couple has to be the blindest couple ever.

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When B. S. got home and changed into her pajamas… something happened to her!

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Ahh.. I think I see what happened here.

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Looks like mummies can’t be… well, mummies.

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Those girls really do EVERYTHING together.

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Next time, we find out who has the better looking babies.  Like it’s that big of a mystery.