Archive for the ‘Darlene Bunch’ Category

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Staccato Mamba: Welcome back to Got To Keep the Loonies on The Path, the best Sims blog on the web. You love GTKTLOTP. It is much better than Cats. You are going to read it again and again.

Um, what are you doing?

S. M.: Nothing.

You’re creepy.

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In case you missed Darlene Kent, here she is again. In case you didn’t miss her, well fine. She didn’t miss you either!

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Kent Kent is getting off work at his not suspicious at all warehouse.

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Cop: No, it’s very suspicious. In fact, Belisama told us exactly what you were up to. Come with me, Mr. Kent.

Kent: My own wife ratted me out? What the hell.

Cop: Wait, I just got another call. Wait right here, I’ll be back to arrest you later.

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Kent: OK.

You’re actually gonna just wait there?

Kent: You have to do what the police say.

Some future Emperor of Evil you are.

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Vlad: Hey Kent, what’s up?

Kent: I’m waiting for the police to come get me.

Vlad: Really? Why not just shoot them or something? Or even better, just leave?

Kent: That would be wrong.

Vlad: You’ve read your job description right?

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Belly: Ha ha, I got my stupid boring husband arrested.

Harley: I like dancing!

Harley, that’s all you ever do, dance like a moron, and I’m sick of it.

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There, I sold your stereo.

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Harley: Party pooper.

Look, you made Belisama dance until she couldn’t stay awake. You should be ashamed of yourself. How old are you now anyway?

Harley: My thing says 100 days. But it’s said that for weeks now.

He is never going to die. Let this be a lesson simmers, don’t let your sims become mummies.

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Hungry: Hey Kent, I came to see if I could flirt with you, and maybe you’d rather woohoo than stand in the sun and rot.

Kent: Aren’t we related?

Hungry: Bah, who keeps track of that stuff.

I know the Sims doesn’t, I’d make a family tree if the game didn’t go around deleting the in game one before I could remember who was who. But I think Hungry, is Clarka’s daughter, and Kent is Clark’s grandson and Ethan was Hungry’s first cousin, so Kent and Hungry are first cousins once removed. So that makes Rabid and Staccato Mamba second cousins once removed to each other. And I’m my own grandpa.

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Kent: Hmm, I can smell my own flesh burning. I hope that cop comes back soon.

He really had “Wait” and “Jail” locked in his queue and I couldn’t delete it. I guess I could have reset him, but it’s only Kent.

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Hungry: Lady, I’m sorry I cheated on you last chapter.

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Lady: That’s ok. Do I know you? Are you the nurse who gives me my pudding? Let’s make out.

Hungry: Old people rock.

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Lady: I’ve been to the moon!

Hungry: Then again, senility gets old fast, I’m out of here.

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Hey, where’d Kent go? I guess he got tired of waiting. He left behind a mess though.

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Oh. I guess that mess IS Kent.

Death: I THINK THIS IS MY DUMBEST CUSTOMER EVER.

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Kent looks cooler as a ghost, though.

Death: DO YOU THINK IF I TOLD HIM TO WAIT FOR ME TO COME BACK HE WOULD STAND HERE FOREVER?

Yeah, but that would be a lot like shooting fish in a barrel.

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Bunny Vampire Toddler has no idea her daddy just died. Or that she’s about to become an orphan because…

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Cop: Belisama Kent! You are under arrest! Just wait there a moment though.

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Belly: I don’t think so!

Like I was going to let the cops kill off ALL my vampires.

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Belly, what the hell are you driving?

Belly: My lemon car.

Hellz no. I didn’t earn over 2 million simoleons for my family so you could drive POS cars.

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Belly: Maybe a drink at The Prosper Room will help me get over my husband’s death.

You mean the husband you ratted out to the police?

Belly: Shut up.

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Pianist: And here’s a song I wrote especially for Belisama Kent!

Did you use “Think about me” on her?

Belly: *whistles innocently*

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Jeffrey Cook: This drink is lousy! What kind of bartender are you anyway??

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Bartender: I’m really an accountant.

Jeffrey: Ugh, I’m going back to the bar that has the women in the swimsuits serving drinks.

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Nothing ghosts love more than playing video games! Hungry, why don’t you sit on the same couch as Monk?

Hungry: Ghosts have cooties.

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Can someone please explain to me why maids and butlers just won’t finish my laundry, even with four pairs of working washers and dryers available?

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Meanwhile, Vlad and Belly are really hitting it off.

Belly: Exercising is awesome!

I guess it is if you can get zero to 10 athletic in one exercise session… personally, I’d rather watch TV.

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Vlad: So now that we established we have so much in common, how about we put one of these beds to use… Hey, did you just change clothes?

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Belly: Yeah, I got to go to work.

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Later that night, Vlad had better luck.

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Yep, just a bit better, I’d say.

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OK, quite a DAMN bit better.

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Hungry: Hey Belly, you planning on raising this kid anytime soon?

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Seriously, where the hell is that butler?

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I get the feeling she’s in this for the free bed.

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Hungry: A dressing dummy would do a better job of raising you.

S. M.: DUMMY!

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Dammit, he’s dancing again. Time to sell another stereo.

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There, you can just quietly watch TV and stop distracting the other sims.

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Harley: Come dancing! It’s only natural.

No, they’re not going to come dancing *sells guitar*

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Just clean the damn house. No one else will.

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That’s a good mummy. Wouldn’t this make an awesome detergent commercial? I can picture it now…

Harley: Are you happy with your wash?

Shopper: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Congratulations Hungry on your promotion to Lead Actress.

Hungry: I’m replacing Sandra Bullock in Speed 3: Automatic Pilot.

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Hungry then visits the theater to pick up her Green Orb award.

Hungry: This is the filthiest theater ever! Look at all the bugs!

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Belly: Yes you are the father! What the hell? Who else would I have slept with??

Vlad: Your husband?

Belly: Oh yeah, I had a husband.

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Vlad: I’m finally gonna be a father!

Belly: What about Rabid?

Vlad: Oh yeah, I have a son.

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Belly: So Vlad and I are having a baby, and we thought we’d just go ahead and move out and start a new life together, kthxbye.

Hungry: Congrats, I’m happy for you? (Hmm, I think she’s forgetting something.)

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Hungry: Crap!

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Hungry: I feel like I’ve spent more time with this kid than I did my own.

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Rabid: I just got 10 levels of drums!

Show off.

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They’ve all gone to the Brightmore for a birthday party! Is it Belly’s birthday?

No…

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Is it Rabid’s?

No…

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Is it Hungry’s?

Well, yes, but we’re not celebrating it because the game for some stupid reason wouldn’t let be blow out her candles or age her up, so I guess I’ve got two immortals in my household.

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But no birthday party of mine is gonna end with no payoff, so the bartender has to take a bullet.

Bartender: But I’m only 37!

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Not anymore! Sucker!

Tune in next time when the bartender probably dies of old age.

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After successfully getting impregnated with Vlad’s monster offspring, the waiting game for just how monstrous the baby will be begins.  Meanwhile, Hungry decides to go make new friends.

Hungry: I find the day spa to be very relaxing sometimes…

Sugar Bijou: Yeah, I like to eat the cucumbers they put on my eyes.

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Hungry: Sugar is a bit odd, maybe I’ll go make friends with Lil Bling.

Lil Bling: Teacher, can I have some breakfast? I’m STARVING.

Hungry: Uh, I’m not your teacher.

Lil Bling: Oh, I thought I was having that dream where I go to school in my underwear. Phew, what a relief.

Hungry: Wait, so having a house guest see you walk around in the all-together is all okay?

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Hungry: I’ve never seen a two-story house with an elevator before.

Lil Bling: Stairs are HARD.

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Hungry: Anyway, I’m hungry too, so I’ll just eat this.

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Lil Bling: Holy crap, your breath stinks!

Hungry: You should see how my husband reacts.

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It’s birthday time!

Kent: I want pants for my birthday!

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Good news: You got pants.

Bad news: You look like a Neanderthal.

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Meanwhile the Vampire and the Mummy can be friends. You know, like that song from the musical Oklahoma!… At least I think it was a vampire and a mummy.

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Hungry went to crash Marina Prattle’s party, but she felt a little out of place. It took her awhile to realize why then she figured it out: she was the only one there who wasn’t a shirtless young man.

They were dancing with each other to classical music, while ignoring the hostess.

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Hungry: So, fun party, huh.

Shirtless Random Dude: Yeah, all these guys are HOT!

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Hungry: Doesn’t the fact all these guys seem to be more interested in each other than you set off some kind of alarm?

Marina: The cops are coming?

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Marina: AHH THE COPS ARE COMING!

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Hungry: Did you just piss yourself? Look, I don’t go for THOSE kind of parties. See ya.

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Are you tired of dirtying counter tops, stoves, or even risk burning your kitchen down? Well become a ghost now and you can just walk into other people’s homes and use their kitchens instead!

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Hungry: Emmy Starr has the best waffle mix!

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Hungry: Emmy really needs to buy herself a new TV though. This one’s pretty old.

Or you could go home and watch your own…

Hungry: And spend time with my family? F that.

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Emmy: Why are you in my house?

Hungry: I came to tell you I’m having a baby.

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Emmy: Ew, I dislike children.

Hungry: That’s not how you react to a pregnancy. Especially if the pregnant woman WORKS FOR YOU.

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Emmy: Let me feel your tummy then!

Hungry: I don’t think that’s how you interact with your employees either…

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Hungry: So since I’m gonna be missing work for the next several days, can I get a promotion first?

Emmy: Sure.

Hungry: And since I’m a four star celebrity, can I actually start appearing in movies?

Emmy: Don’t push it.

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And then Darlene died. I missed it because I never go back to the lot anymore, even when the game tries to force me to.

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Ethan: I can’t believe my mom is dead!

Bertram: Do I still get paid?

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Harley doesn’t care he just keeps dancing. Rat-a-tatting boombox moocher.

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Are you tired of only waking on the insides of houses? Just become a ghost, and you too can walk on flat roofs! Seriously, I can’t imagine going back to a non-ghost heir ever again.

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Hungry: Sorry if I scared you haunting your roof, Mr. Hamming.

Matthew: That’s ok, that recipe you gave me for pancakes more than makes up for it!

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Kent brought home Jupiter Belle from school. Jupiter is a girl’s name!

Jupiter: Huh? I’m named after the Roman God. God, not Goddess. It’s a guy’s name.

Nope. The Chimarees told me it’s a girl’s name. And you can’t argue with the Chimarees.

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Ethan: We have 2.5 million simoleons, I’m at the top of my career, I’m practically and elder.. Why can’t I just retire so I don’t have days like this?

I can’t be bothered to spend the two seconds clicking on “retire.”

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Hungry: I go to Aquarius just to have a few drinks and meet people, and the bartender’s outfit makes me wonder exactly WHAT kind of bar this is?

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The fish tank is pretty cool.

Hungry: Meh…

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Hungry: There we go, this is much better.

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Hungry: AHHH, BABY’S COMING!

Bartender: And that’s my cue to close the bar! Come again!

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Hungry: No problem, I’ll just walk myself out, call myself a cab, and just walk myself to the hospital. Don’t want you freezing to death in your bathing suit.

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Introducing Rabid Wolff-Schlick! He is Athletic, Neurotic.. and A VAMPIRE GHOST! Or is it Ghost Vampire?

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Everyone comes to see the baby, and for some reason Ethan just hates Rabid. Oh, and Bertram, you’re standing on Hungry. Hope that has no lasting effects.

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I guess I worried for nothing. That’s perfectly normal and not creepy at all. Nice slippers Bert.

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Hungry: Glad that pregnancy thing is over with. Back to hanging out at bars, doing my own thing, and most importantly, ignoring my family. Hey folks! Dinner’s on me!

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Hungry: But not at the Sports Zone. They suck. To the bistro we go!

I bet Sports Zone is not happy with Hungry taking away all their customers…

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Babies suck, so for the first time in this legacy, I went ahead and skipped to toddlerhood.

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VAMPIRE GHOST TODDLER! TODDLER GHOST VAMPIRE! GHOST TODDLER VAMPIRE! VAMPIRE TODDLER GHOST! TODDLER VAMPIRE GHOST! I think that’s all of them.

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GHOST VAMPIRE TODDLER!

OK, now THAT’s all of them. Till next time!

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I forgot last time to give the new heir’s stats. Hungry is Clumsy, Eccentric, Charismatic, a Natural Cook and Hates the Outdoors. So naturally her LTW is to be a Superstar Actor. She rushes down to the movie studio right away and gets a job.

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Hungry hits it off with her co-workers right away.

Random Co-worker: Ew! A Ghost!

Hungry: At least I’m not a simbot.

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Hungry: I just don’t know why people don’t like me.

Maybe because you eat nothing but garlic?

Hungry: Hey, it was the most expensive vegetable. I deserve only the best.

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Hungry: Maybe if I read this book on Charisma I will get better at making friends. Hmm, it says here you’re not supposed to loudly proclaim you’re tired or need to go to the bathroom. Since when?

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Hey, it’s famous Celebrity Jeffrey Cook! Try out your newly learned Charisma skills!

Hungry: Yo Dog, I hear you like Politics.

Jeffrey: Yes, Yes I do.

Hungry is making some progress.

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Or not.

Jeffrey: NO YOU CAN NOT HAVE MY TROPHY!

Hungry: I didn’t even say anything about a trophy…

OK, forget the library. Let’s go make friends at the local bars.

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Or not.

Hungry tries to meet people, and yet this bar had a grand total of four people: two bouncers and two bartenders.

Meanwhile back at the Blinding Bright Lemon House:

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Harley keeps dancing to the stereo, even when Lakisha tries playing the guitar.

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And Ethan gets promoted to Mad Scientist.

Ethan: Yeah, after a few days at work of cross-breeding creatures with robots, they suddenly decided I was Mad.

Funny how that works.

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This time we found a bar that was a hot spot.

ONE WHOLE CUSTOMER!

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Hungry: Since you’re the only one here, I guess I will make friends with you.

Johanna King: I’m flattered.

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Hungry: Oh, looks like there’s a lot more people here now. Well, I’ll keep talking to you anyway.

Johanna: Yay for me!

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Hungry: I think you’re rather attractive.

Johanna: I… um… got to go visit the Ladies’ room.

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Hungry: So what’s your sign?

Johanna: Aries, which means I get creeped out by people who follow me into the toilet.

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Hungry: Did I mention I like your body?

Johanna: Yes, you did, then I left, hoping you’d get a hint.

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Hungry: So are you single?

Johanna: Yes. BECAUSE I JUST DON’T LIKE PEOPLE! I AM GOING HOME NOW!

Hungry: What’s her problem?

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Hungry: Everyone left. I guess I’ll play video games.

Heh, playing video games instead of socializing with people. What a loser.

Wait, did all my readers just leave?? Sims 3 doesn’t count, honest!

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Hungry: I’m off to the spa!

Masseuse: How do I massage a ghost… Oh well, that’ll be $7500.

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Ethan: Now that I’m a Mad Scientist, I can do experiments on the TV.

And Harley keeps dancing.

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Ethan: Ah ha! Now the TV has a Mad Cow on it!

I’m pretty sure it could do that before. You know, for kids!

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Ethan: Time to eat. Where’s my plate?

It’s on that blinding table somewhere.

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Meet the newest member of the family: Bertram Plunkett, the butler. He says he needs a bed, but I say he’s supposed to work, not sleep, so screw that.

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Ethan gets invited to a party!

Ethan: Oh my gosh, it’s the world famous Lola Belle!

I’ve never heard of her.

Ethan: OK, Bridgeport famous, but still…

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Ethan: I loved you in that one movie, where you got dumped by that guy when he realized he loved the plain girl all along.

Lola: Thanks, those were my favorite films too. Well, those seven, and the eight where I was the snobby girl who made the plain girl cry.

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Lola: I like you sucking up to me, I proclaim you famous too.

Ethan: Yay! Now I know how Nicole Ritchie feels.

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Darlene: I’m old, and tired, and I want to go to bed.

Harley: No! We must keep dancing! I want to be on So You Think You Can Dance!

I can answer that right now. No, you can’t. I changed the station to classical, and they kept dancing like it was pop music.

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Ethan: I’m putting a stop to this.

Harley: Hey, I was listening to that.

Ethan: FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS!

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Ethan: The stereo is broken.

Harley: The stereo is broken.

Pay attention here. The stereo is broken. This will be important later.

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Hungry: Hmm, I went to go visit my boss Emmy Starr and she wouldn’t let me in. I guess I’ll go take a bath while I wait for her to change her mind.

Gates mean nothing to ghosts.

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Hungry, don’t you think this might be a little inappropriate?

Hungry: No one likes a stinky sim.

Good point.

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Hungry: Hello boss, how’s it going?

Emmy: What are you doing in my house! I think you should leave.

Hungry: I think I should punch you.

Emmy: Have some breakfast!

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See, I told you the stereo’s status would be important. I did NOT fix this, or call a repairman. Yet Harley’s back in action.

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Ethan gets invited to another party.

Barry Tenderlove: I hope this party doesn’t last too long, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is on.

You might remember Barry from Chapter Five of The Vampire Pregnancies. If you don’t, consider this a shameless plug. Go read it now. I’ll wait.

OK, I lied. I’m going on with the story.

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Hungry gets tired of trying to meet vampires, so she just walks into one’s house. But he doesn’t appear to be home, so Hungry gets caught up on her reading for work. Did you know actors have to read for their job? Me neither.

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Oops, I missed a room. I guess Vladimir Schlick is home after all. You might remember Vladimir from The Vampire Pregnancies. I KNOW you’ve all read it now. Sorry about the continuous shamless plugging.

No I’m not.

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Hungry: Good morning!

Vlad: AHH! A ghost!

Hungry: You’re a vampire.

Vlad: Oh, right.

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Hungry: I read about vampires in a book once.

Vlad: I love how books portray vampires! Let’s be BFF!

Hungry: I was kind of hoping for more.

Vlad: OK.

Hungry: Move in with me.

Vlad: OK.

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Vlad: AHH! A mummy!

Once again, you’re a vampire.

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Vlad: I don’t like stereos, I will sabotage this.

OK, he’s won me over.

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Vlad: Hungry, there’s a small child standing inside you.

Hungry: That’s just Kent Kent. Ignore him. Everyone else does.

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Vlad: So Hungry, you said you wanted to be more than friends?

Hungry: Sure thing, hon, just let me break up with Harley first.

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Hungry: He’s not answering. Oh, well. I’ll tell him after the wedding.

Vlad: Wedding?

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Hungry: Oh yeah, here’s a ring. Now you must jump up and down all happy.

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Vlad: Like this?

Hungry: OK, now we must exchange rings right here on the staircase.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Wolf-Schlick.

Hungry: Let’s go make a baby!

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Vlad: There is an old lady in the bed.

Hungry: Yeah, I’m not into that. WAKE UP OLD LADY!

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Hungry: Now where were we?

Vlad: Getting ready to make a baby that has practically no chance of being a normal human?

Hungry: Yep, that’s it.

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And after hearing those magical chimes, we conclude another chapter. Tune in next time when we find out if the little Wolf-Schlick is a ghost, a vampire, or a vampire ghost.

Thanks for reading!

“For the record, we never broke up, we just took a 14-year vacation.” – Glenn Frey

“I had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man!” – The Dude

OK, I promise that’s the last time I open the update with an Eagles quote. Unless the Kents buy a Maserati that does 185, but technically that’s Joe Walsh.

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So I last left off with the Kent family moving to Barnacle Bay.  I wanted to move to Booty Bay, but the Goblins said I didn’t have enough money, and then Deathwing came and flooded the place and well.. it’s a long story. In the confusion I got my dwarf hunter to 85 and left Ethan to rot in save file neglect.

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The whole family made the move, including the not-so-dearly departed.

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Ethan lost all his relationships, so he headed into town to make new friends.

“Hey, old dude. I got a snazzy new house.”

“Great googly-moogly, I like houses. 23 skidoo!”

“Um, yeah.”

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“Hey ladies, do you like sunsets on the beach?”

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“No, I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.”

“Ugh, I hate that song.”

“There’s a song?”

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“And then she sent his room on fire and he died.”

“Your family is weird man… I gotta go.”

Ethan, you probably don’t want to make friends by telling them family stories.

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“Hey guys, wanna go out to eat? I’m buying.”

Now THAT’S how you make friends.

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“This place doesn’t look as good as the places back in Sunset Valley. The special of the day is hardtack.”

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Harley spends his nights dancing away to the Bangles.

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Ethan sleeps in his crib in his new, well, crib.

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Hungry’s room looks like the typical little girl’s room, complete with kerosene lantern and skull and crossbones bedspread.

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And Darlene learns to sleep without Clark Kent by her side.

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On her birthday, Hungry makes her wish.

“I wish this all will be mine some day…”

You’re not the heir, Hungry.

“Not yet.”

DUN DUN DUN

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And now she’s a teen ghost.  Sounds like a CW TV show. THE TEEN GHOST DIARIES!

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Lakisha is still busting ghosts. Even Freddy Krueger, who technically was a dream walker, not a ghost.

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And the Kent family’s parenting skills continue to suck.

"I HATE SCREAMING BABIES! WHAT DO WE DO TO MAKE HIM QUIET???”

Maybe you should put him to bed?

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Mom will know what to do.

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“I’m going to bed.”

Or she can just let him pass out.

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Finally Kent becomes a child.

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“Great. I aged up in my underwear.”

Welcome to the family. It’s a tradition.

“So what trait did I get?”

Hell if I remember. I took these screenshots months ago. I’ll look it up next time I play. I guess. I don’t like you much.

“Well, at least you’re honest.”

Sorry, did you say something?

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OK, now that I admitted most of these screenshots were from ages ago, I can just say I wasn’t that impressed by Barnacle Bay.  Here’s Harley fishing with a pirate though. The only thing this picture needs is a ninja fishing.

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And in the last screenshot before Ethan and Kent Kent bored me to death, Ethan made creature robot crossbreeder which was his lifetime wish. And there was much rejoicing. Yay.

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Finally, after months of absence, I’m back to work again. We start with Boring Ethan entering… A CHESS TOURNAMENT.  You can go back to sleep now.

He entered, and played three matches versus a little kid. But still lost the tournament when they accused him of leaving the event during the third match, even though he was sitting there the whole time. Kents never catch a break.

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So let’s get this freaky story back on track.

“Can I have all your money when I become a young adult? I am the oldest kid.”

“Sure, why not.”

And that simple, Hungry Lyktha Wolff is the new heir. Mainly cause I just couldn’t bear the thought of Kent Kent just being Clark Kent version 3.

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And then Hungry convinces the family to move into this bright yellow house in Bridgeport.

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“I’m going to be a young adult now!”

But Hungry, you had 13 more days.

“Eff that, I found the cake stash!”

BTW, isn’t this the brightest screenshot ever?

“Now that I’m an adult, I’m going to Woo Hoo the first guy I can find!”

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“Hey baby, what’s your sign?”

Ew, I thought she would at least leave the house first…

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Harley unfortunately is welcome to her advances. I guess they’re only distantly related, it’s too long that I forgot exactly where they are on the family tree to each other.

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And so Hungry talked Harley into joining her in the bedroom. And he ran as fast as he could to get there.

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Which wasn’t that fast at all.

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OK, I’m just going to move on now.

Fortunately, I found out Harley couldn’t Try For Baby with Hungry, so this will be the end of this nasty relationship. If she’s gonna be heiress, she has to give us babies.

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So then Hungry decided she wanted to Vamp out, so she went to the vampire bar. But the bouncer wouldn’t let her in.

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Of course, YOU tell a ghost where she can or can’t go.

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Hungry is a Very Important Phantom.

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Of course, it turns out the only vampire in the vampire bar is the bouncer. So Hungry goes back and befriends her. Only to find out that vampires can’t turn ghosts. Bummer.

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And wouldn’t you know it before I could get more than friends with her, Hungry up and decides to call it a night. And the bar closes.

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So our heiress goes to bed, in a room she shares with her little (brother? cousin? I can’t remember). See you next time, and I promise it won’t be in four months.

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So with the addition of Hungry Lyktha Wolff to the household it’s time for my favorite (sarcasm) activity, toddler skilling! Harley teaches Hungry how to Walk Like an Egyptian.

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Meanwhile, Kent Kent seems to be a popular attraction. Stand in line to hold the baby!

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Harley then teaches Hungry to talk like an Egyptian.

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Apparently, Egyptians are violent people.

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While watching TV with his mom, Ethan has an idea for dinner.

Ethan: Let’s go to the Golden Corral, or I’ll hit you with a frying pan until you agree.

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Charlene reads “Being a Spare For Dummies” with tips on how to find a house after you’re ceremoniously kicked out on your YA birthday, and the joys of being on Free Will while your Simmer ignores you.

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Lakisha: Hmm, I suspect the Stephen King section is haunted.

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Ghost: Wait, don’t zap me, I was just here to pose for a READ poster!

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Lakisha: Can’t you read, ghosts at the park must be on a leash!

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Lakisha: Now off to sell these spirits to the science lab!

You sell souls to the lab? How do you sleep at night?

Lakisha: I don’t, I have a moodlet manager.

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Reading books on logic, is there anything more boring to read?

Lakisha: Clark Kent’s Autobiography.

Good point.

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We added a new member to the family, Kermit the Frog!  Next chapter, I’ll probably have pictures of Kermit dead when I forget to feed him.

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Maid: Party Time! I get the day off!

Um, I never said that.

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Lakisha: I wish I could have a normal hairdo for everyday!

Darlene: OW THERE IS A DOOR IN ME.

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Lakisha: Yay, I look normal now!

Yeah, should I kick her out?

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I got a notification that City Hall was going to have a ceremony for Lakisha’s Soul Selling accomplishments, but when I got there I found the ceremony wasn’t going to be held that day. Instead, it was “We love Cop Shows” day.

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This kid thinks we have enough Cop Shows on TV, thank you.

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I couldn’t think of a word for poop that rhymes with “Walk” so Clark taught Hungry how to use the toilet.

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Just in time, because now Hungry will become a child.

Harley: All this cake, and never a cake for me.

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Sparkle and Fade!

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To go with Hates the Outdoors and Clumsy, Hungry has added Eccentric.

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And she still has the biggest eyes.  I’ll keep throwing up these stylist shots, because I will probably be keeping her as a ghost.

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Finally, it was time for Lakisha’s award ceremony.  Look, Alice in Wonderland came.

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Mayor Burnout: Dude, thank you for rounding up Sunset Valley’s deceased loved ones’ souls and donating them to science to perform who knows what kind of experiments on, probably to use to make weapons.

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Clarka: Yay for ghostbusting!

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Mayor Burnout would like to remind you this is an election year, and he needs your vote.

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Lakisha: I busted your ghosts lady, could you please move so I can leave?

Lakisha, you could walk around her.

Lakisha: NO! I have to go down the RIGHT side of the steps!

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It’s Kent Kent’s birthday. I keep having birthdays, and the maid thinks it means he can eat cake then go home, so the house is getting to be a mess.

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Kent Kent keeps the famous Breckman eyes in the family for another generation.

But we had TWO cakes out… so who else gets a birthday?

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HARLEY GETS A BIRTHDAY!

And Clark looks WAY too happy about it.

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Harley even gets a spazzy new green skirt to welcome into Elderhood.  Does this mean Harley will only be with us another 20 days or so? Time will tell.

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While Lakisha has made it easily to level 10 ghostbusting, while also having a kid, Ethan is still slowly climbing the Science ladder.  He is now level 7.

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Lakisha keeps collecting spirits on her free time, and one of the places she hits is the old Wolff household. Of course, Thornton and Morganna no longer live here, and new people have moved in… but they never cleaned up Clarka’s mess. There’s still scrap all over the floor on no furniture.

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Personally, I think this town has a bigger problem than idle ghosts. It’s time to create a Childbusting career.

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The Spectrum Legacy had its thumbs down fish hating shots, I have the toddlers biting dolls shots.

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Finally, Lakisha’s maternity leave ended (Yep, she was an elder on maternity leave) and she could go back to busting ghosts who dress like it’s 1599.

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Mo: Wise guy, eh?

Lakisha: Coitanly!

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Kirk Duran: Good work on that turning ghosts into plutonium project you’ve been working on. We should be able to nuke Twinbrook soon.  That way the Sunset Valley Llamas will never lose to the Twinbrook Llamas again.

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Ethan: I’ll feel better about all the deaths I’m causing if I get a promotion.

Kirk: No problem. Here’s your new coat.

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Ethan: Hey this looks like my OLD coat.

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Hungry gets invited over to a friend’s house, and does what all ghosts do. Nap in your bed.

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One more birthday party.  The nap didn’t help Hungry much, I guess.

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Charlene is now a couch potato, and her LTW is Possession is 9/10ths of the law. And then I threw her out of the house, forgetting to get a decent after shot of her.  Ethan went and had his Adult party without even noticing his sister making the phone call and leaving.

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Lakisha: Why do I keep having to bust ghosts who dress silly, but women who dress like hookers get off the hook?

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Finally, the town gets enough plutonium to destroy Twinbrook once and for all, and hold another ceremony for Lakisha.  Half the celebrants don’t even know which way to face.

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Oh, and Mayor Burnout lost the re-election in a landslide.

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For her second reward, Lakisha gets this nifty model cemetery. She puts it next to the two keys to the city she received in the first ceremony. (I left, and got a notification I missed the ceremony, then went back and got another one. I think Mayor Burnout was forgetful.)

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Clark: Hey, why’s everything gray? 

Two reasons: this house takes forever to load, and you died.

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Death shows up and I still wait for the furniture to load.

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Death: CLARK, YOUR TIME IS UP.

Wait, I only have the dresser loaded.

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OK, finally, I can get the death shot now.

Death: I ALREADY TOOK HIM.

Sigh.  I like this house and all, but the load times mean it won’t be making the move to Barnacle Bay.

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Clark gets buried in the creepy graveyard behind the house, for now.  He was 102, a new record for the legacy.

Miscellaneous other news: Both Raging Bull and Clarkette died, and Clarka married Kenya Beaulieu, who is half her age easily.

That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!

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Ethan: If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning, I’d hammer in the evening, all over this land!

You DO have a hammer.

Ethan: And I’m hammering in the morning!

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After several days living in the new house, I finally noticed the treasure chests. I’m very observant.

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Now Ethan updates the computer’s graphics, I guess by shoving a graphic card in the usb port.

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This happens all through out this chapter until I got tired of it not doing anything besides making people dance up and down, and finally disabled auto-light.  The Kents aren’t very flammable.

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Recognize the tired ghost?  Yep, it’s Thornton Wolff.

Thornton: I took my own death much more calmly than this fire.

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People who play with fire wet the bed, Charlene.

Charlene: Don’t you ask me about Old Lady Semple’s Social Security checks no more. CIBOLA! CIBOLA! Bumpity Bump!

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Maid to the rescue!

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And then he got overly pumped about it. It was quiet creepy.

Maid: I put out the fire! I AM SO FRICKING AWESOME!

Someone picked the wrong career I guess.

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Ethan and Lakisha bond over a game of chess.

Ethan: I will defeat you, burn you, and stick you in an urn!

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Lakisha: I will set you on fire.

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Lakisha: Then I will call all your friends and make them listen to your screams.

Maybe bond isn’t the right word.

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Surprisingly though, Ethan is a gracious loser.

Ethan: Good game, hon.

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Ethan: But this game will end with your hideous hairdo up in flames.

Or not.

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I think this chess board brings out the worst in people. In the pond right next to it, you can clearly see other victims of the cursed board.

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Late that night, someone deposited a package on the Kent doorstep.

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Clark: Hey Darlene! Did you order a baby from Amazon or something?

It’s your niece, Hungry Lyktha Wolff, Clark.

Clark: No, she’d be a teenager by now.

Hey, your guess is as good as mine on that one.

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Joey Jr: Hey you cheap bastard, why did you never buy us one of these when I was alive?

Yeah, you can walk through walls, go to the afterlife, explore anywhere you want, and you come and do this.

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Ethan sleeps with his mother! EWWWWW!

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Darlene: It’s nice having a little one in the house again! Don’t you ever grow up!

That’s a distinct possibility.

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Fortunately for Harley, the game notified us immediately the next morning it was Hungry’s birthday.

Harley: CAKE! CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEE!

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And Hungry finally reaches toddlerhood.

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She has the biggest eyes I have ever seen.

Hungry: The better to see you with.

I better not ask about her teeth.

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Looks like Ken asked instead.

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Hmm, what is Hungry enjoying so much?

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Of course, ghosts love video games.

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And now for the latest in the “Mummies Doing Modern Things” series, we have Mummy in a Race Car!

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Lakisha finally gets a promotion to Ghost Fashion Buster.

Lakisha: Your hat looks ridiculous. BANISH!

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Harley decides to make a meal for Hungry. In case you can’t tell, it’s Ambrosia.  Yeah, I know, quite an expensive meal for a toddler.

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Clark helps by grinding it into a disgusting looking paste.  While he’s doing that, someone “helpfully” lets Hungry out of her high chair.

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Clark: Then I’m not serving it! It’s all cold and ruined now.

I’m sure it will be fine.

Clark: No, I am putting it down here and refuse to do ANYTHING but clean it up by throwing it in the garbage.

In an unusual instance in solidarity, everyone else in the household also refuses to serve the rare lifefruit/deathfish dish to Hungry. I hate this game sometimes.

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Take two!

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This time, Harley turns the glowy pretty dish into a bowl of brown disgusting mush.

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Hungry: Yay! Food!

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Then Hungry got the 7 day moodlet for the best meal. Not the result I was hoping for. Sigh.

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Lakisha: Your hat is worse than the last one! BANISH! Oh, and Moe Howard, don’t you go anywhere.

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Lakisha: Your hair fills me with the urge to defecate! BANISH!

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Ethan: You know, I wish you’d wear your hair like that more often.

Lakisha: I thought you liked my do.

Ethan: That’s before I found out about the spiders living in it.

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Lakisha: You say the most romantic things, come here.

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Sigh, looks like I’m gonna be back up to eight household members again.

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The house is crowded enough with the random ghosts leaving me presents. Thanks for the rotten waffles, Gwen Glover, whoever you are!  (The spooky house came with like 4 random ghosts to go with the dead Breckmans and Kents I brought over.)

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Ethan, that game works better with two people.

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Lakisha: What’s with all the damn medieval three stooges fans in this town! BANISH!

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Ghosts: Hey, what did we do?

Lakisha: Nothing, but I have a quota.

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Lucky for the homeowner Lakisha can only banish ghosts, or she’d be on the list too.

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Lakisha: A caveman? What the heck happened here, did you die on the set of a Geico commercial?

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Joey also can’t figure out the proper way to use a foosball table. TWO PEOPLE. It’s not that hard.

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A rare family gathering in the living room.  Ethan and Clark have probably the fifth conversation they’ve had in their whole lives, while Darlene plays Madden. And of course, Hungry the Ghost eats  a doll!

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Ethan gives us a quick look at the level five science uniform before rushing off to work.

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In case you didn’t figure out by now. Lakisha is pregnant.

Lakisha: I wonder what it will be.

I bet it’s a baby. Actually, in this family, even that’s not a guarantee.

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On maternity leave, Lakisha looks hard for any ghosts she can bust on her free time.

Lakisha: None in the graveyard. Odd.

Well, it is Noon.

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Ethan, close to another promotion, asks his boss over.

Ethan: A SIMBOT!

Two hours sim time later, Harley and Ethan still would rather just go “A SIMBOT!” than invite their guest inside, so Luke “decided” to retire, and give Ethan a human boss.  Hey, he was 200, I felt he could use a break.

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Clark! What the heck are you doing!

Clark: I’m evil.

Oh yeah, I keep forgetting.

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Once again, this proves me theory that Germans love David… I mean Ghosts love Video Games.

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Lakisha: Hi, I’m married to your great grandson. I’m a ghost buster!

Andy: Urp.

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Lakisha: Now if you excuse me, I got to scan for ghosts. Nope, nothing.

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Lakisha: I shall discover a star!

It’s day time.

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Lakisha: Found one! I’ll put it down in my notebook.

I think that’s the sun. They paid her anyway.

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OH MY GOD! TWO PEOPLE ARE PLAYING FOOSBALL!

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Ethan: Like my new level six work outfit?

That’s the most ridiculous lab coat I’ve ever seen.

Ethan: Thank you!

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Charlene: I found a house here. Can I live here now?

Sure, fine by me.

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Would it kill you to clean up counter space in the kitchen?

Lakisha: Probably.

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Lakisha: Yum, macaroni and cheese!

And motor oil and saw dust.

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Clark: DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THAT TIME I FLEW IN A PLANE!

Charlene: Whatever, dad, I’m trying to do my homework.

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Charlene has a male caller!

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While Charlene answers the door, Lakisha goes into labor.

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In an attempt to screw up my screenshots, Lakisha picks the smallest room in the house to have her baby.

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Charlene: Hi, Rudolph.

Rudolph Goth: PANTIES!

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After being greeted by a teenage girl in her underwear, which has got to be some sign of interest, Rudolph opts for cake instead. I think he’s marriage material.

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And the heir is: A BOY! So the Kent name will continue another generation. Sigh. Out of frustration, I named him Kent Kent. He’s athletic and evil.  Have we found our first Emperor of Evil in the family?

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After three generations have grown up in the house that Andy Breckman built threw together at random, it was time the family packed up and moved on…

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Charlene: You forgot me!

She could have just stayed behind, I was just putting them on a vacant lot until the new house was ready.

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Yep, I downloaded a Mod The Sims house. I stink at building, and wanted to use a real house. Also, I just love waiting 5 minutes for the graphics to load.

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Ethan: Hey, look there’s a tomb down here.

Be careful, there might be a mummy.

Ethan: Oh boy! Maybe he’ll read me a story.

I guess raising kids with a mummy has interesting side effects.

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Mummy with really long Egyptian name I didn’t write down: LOVE.  LOOOOOOVEEEE!

I guess he’s friendly.

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And the object of his affection is Harley!

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Ethan, on the other hand, he doesn’t care for.

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And the big prize at the end of the tomb is…

Ethan: Nectar.

Well, that could be a nice collection…

Ethan: Two bottles.

Set the mummy on fire.

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Ethan: I liked my old garden better.

Well, you just mastered gardening, so you don’t need it.

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Ethan: I caught a frog.

Kermit: Why are there so many songs about rainbows? WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

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Ethan: Now to max out fishing at the only place spookier than home.

Ghost: Boo!

Ethan: Are you kidding me? My house is haunted, and my aunt is a flaming ghost just like you.  And my wife is a GHOST BUSTER! Who’s scared now?

Ghost: Oh, look at the time, I’m missing “Paid Programming.”

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Ethan: Mastered fishing, and caught a death fish.

Ah, so that’s what “You’ll catch your death” means.

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Ethan: The library isn’t as much fun any more now that I’m allowed to be here.

Try working in one, it gets even worse. (Librarian)

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Darlene: Ha ha, your furniture texture isn’t loaded!

Consignment store guy: Do you want me to go to YOUR house with a calendar?

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Guess what I sold right after this picture was taken?  Yeah, I’m mean, but I really can’t stand hearing the same simlish songs over and over, and Harley won’t do anything but dance and work out if I let him.

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Ethan moves on to handiness, and manages not to electrocute himself.  I really want to see what Lakisha would do with a ghost spouse.

Ethan: What?

Nothing.

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Speaking of which, lets see what Winston Zeddemore is up to.

Lakisha: I want to be Peter Venkman!

No.

Lakisha: Ray Stantz?

No.

Lakisha: Not even Egon Spangler?

Nope.

Lakisha: Meany.

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Lakisha: This house is a mess.

Yeah, you’re busting ghosts here several chapters too late.

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Look, it’s the oldest member of the Breckman-Kent family!

Luke: DOORBELL. MAYBE I WILL FINALLY FIND A NEW FRIEND. IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE MY BUDDIES MONK AND GURTON DIED, AND MY WI-

Just shut up already and get the door.

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Luke: IT IS MY EMPLOYEE, ETHAN KENT.

Ethan: A simbot!  Why was I here again? Oh yeah. Can I—A SIMBOT!

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Hours (and I do not exaggerate) later…

Ethan: Oh, right. Can I have a promotion?

Luke: SURE YOU DO NOT WANT TO YELL “A SIMBOT” AGAIN?

Ethan: A SIMBOT? Where?

Luke: JUST TAKE YOUR PROMOTION AND GO.

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Of course, Luke then gave him the day off so he wouldn’t earn another promotion too soon (Can’t have THAT now, can we?) But we had a productive day anyway.  Except for no one getting killed.

Ethan: What?

Nothing.

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Ethan: I wonder how I can improve the meal quality from my stove. I know, beat the glass top range with a hammer!

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Ethan: Hmm, how shall I make the microwave cook faster.

Bang it with a hammer?

Ethan: BANG IT WITH A HAMMER!

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Ethan: Hmm, make the fireplace auto-light…

Bang it with a hammer?

Ethan: BANG IT WITH A HAMMER!

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Meanwhile Winston–

Lakisha: Lakisha!

Winston is continuing to bust ghosts, and advance faster than Ethan. Here she is in the Bachelor home. Toni, the bald chick in the back is the town tart. Her hairstyle draws the guys like flies.

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And then she sells all the ghosts to the science lab. I don’t know what they do with them, but I hope it’s not keep them in a container for William Atherton to turn off, and set all the ghosts free and cause chaos everywhere.

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Ethan: Time to upgrade the trash compactor.

Bang it with a hammer?

Ethan: Don’t be silly.

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There’s a strange woman in our shower!

Lakisha: It’s me! I’m washing my hair!

Oh, hi Winston.

Lakisha: (sighs)

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Finally found the computer Clark?

Clark: It was on the third floor. Took me 2 days to climb all the stairs.  I need a laptop.

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Harley: LAPTOP? NO SEE LAPPPPPTOOOOPPPP!

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Ah! Strange woman in the bedroom!

Lakisha: It’s me La— Winston. Did you expect me to sleep in that hair?

Kind of.

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Oh yeah, Ethan, I forgot to mention something.

Ethan: FIRE! FIRE!

That fireplace…

Ethan: Yeah?

It WAS fireproof, before you made it auto-light.

Ethan: Oops. Sorry.

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Don’t apologize to me, you should apologize to Mr. Pyrophobe.

Around this time, Lakisha was finally able to change her lifetime wish from Tomb Explorer.  Unfortunately, they were all still WA picks.

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So I chose the 20,000 worth of relics one. Piece of cake. Thanks Beef Supreme!

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B. S.: Don’t mention it.

Oh, hai.

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Here’s America’s Next Food Network Star, HARLEY BULL!

Harley: Egggggs.  EGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS!

Ok, he got cut in the first round.

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Charlene: I wish I wasn’t a Kent!

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Charlene: I’m starving! What do I do?

Eat your cake? Yeah, you’re still a Kent, all right.

Charlene: Are you sure?

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You just aged up at a 8 AM birthday party in your underwear. You’re a Kent. And a kleptomaniac!

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AND, you don’t know how to play foozball with another person properly.

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AND… You watch the kids channel as a teenager.

Charlene: OK, OK, I get it.

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Ethan: Don’t I look bad ass on my bike?

In that outfit? No.

Ethan: But I’ll get a promotion today, that’ll get me a new outfit!

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Yeah, that one is TOTALLY bad ass.

Ethan: Shut up.

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Lakisha: How does the poltergeist lift this shower without totally destroying the tile?

I dunno, same way it sucked Carol Ann into the TV?

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Hey, wait a minute, I know this homeowner! Hi Clarka, how’s the family?

Clarka: Family?

You know, your daughter? Hungry Lyktha?

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Clarka: Oh, her. She’s over there.

Um, nice parenting. Hey wait a minute, why is she STILL a baby?

Clarka: Who?

Nevermind.

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Lakisha: Hmm, maybe I should introduce myself to my Aunt-in-law.

Clarka: OK, you can leave now.

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Lakisha: Not even a thank you.

Well, that’s Clarka!  And with that, I think it’s also time for YOU to leave. Bye now!