Archive for the ‘Crowley’ Category

Welcome back! Sorry that Ringoosu hasn’t been able to update in awhile, he’s been really upset about Juan Epstein’s death. Signed, Ringoosu’s Mother.

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Rabid: Wow, quite a mess here, what the hell happened?

Willard: We just had a fire, a few minutes ago. It was only months for the reader and narrator, not you.

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Rabid: Well, good luck cleaning that shit up, I’m gonna have some cake.

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Virginia: Hey Mom, wanna play Legacy?

Staccato: That sounds boring as hell.

Trust me, it is.

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Sorry, the kitties won’t be in this chapter much, so here’s some kitten spam.

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Pemphredo: Can I please have some cake?

EvilGenius: Yes, please, we’re STARVING.

Staccato: Cats are always starving. Your food bowl is FULL!

EvilGenius: But that food has been there at least a WHOLE HOUR!

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Deino: Don’t eat me Mommy!

EvilGenius: But I’m so hungry!

Deino: I’m gonna eat you instead!

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What the fuck? The doll is standing up! I knew those things were creepy.

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Crowley: Finally! Back from Hell!

Hell? What the fuck are you??

Crowley: A demon, I thought you watched Supernatural.

Oh well, at least you’re not a lawyer/politician like you were on Battlestar Galactica.

Crowley: I’m not THAT evil.

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Rabid: I’m so fucking sick of this garden.

You and me both. You know what? Fuck your LTW. I’m just going to let the garden rot. You did the goals for the DITFT, that’s enough for me.

Rabid: Can it just be Mr. Stevenson’s turn already?

I wish.

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Crowley: Hello, I’m Crowley.

Virginia: Oh yeah, THIS is perfectly normal. Are you sure you’re not Chucky?

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Virginia: You smell like dirty socks.

Crowley: That’s sulphur. Besides, you smell like piss.

Virginia: Shut up! I couldn’t get to the bathroom in time.

Crowley: Isn’t it in that door right behind you?

Virginia: SHUT UP!

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Virgina: So this is how we play Legacy. First we describe what our characters look like. I will be the mommy, and you will be the daddy.

Crowley: This is so immature. What are you, eight?

Virginia: Pretty much.

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Crowley: OK, then, the mommy is a ugly clown named Ditzmera.

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Virginia: That’s not nice.

Crowley: You want me to play or not? We have to make this interesting at least.

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Virginia: Oh yeah? Well your character is named Ghast, and he’s fat and stupid.

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Crowley: Fine then. I guess we also need a last name.

Virginia: How about Alwaystoned?

Crowley: Ghast and Ditzmera Alwaystoned. It works, I guess.

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Virginia: And this is our house.

Crowley: Come on, we can use our imaginations, and this is the best we came up with?

Look, I’m not going to go download or even worse, build a house for just your stupid play game.

Virginia: Oh yeah, and that’s Ringo. He’s a fucking dick.

Crowley: I’ve noticed.

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Ghast: Let’s go meet the neighbors.

Ditzmera: OK, I hope they’re nice.

Ghast: Fuck that, I hope they’re hot.

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Ghast: Hey babe, you got nice gams.

Alouette: Fuck off, creep.

Crowley: Hey, since when did you cuss, Virginia?

Virginia: YOU ALL RIGHT?? I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU!

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Ghast: Well, if you’re not going to let me get laid…OOGA BOOGA!

Alouette: AHHH YOU SCARED ME!

Ghast: Wow, I had no idea that would actually work.

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Virginia: OK, Now you be Oriole, Alouette’s sister!

Crowley: Ugh, I don’t want to be a woman.

Virginia: Really? From what I’ve seen on Supernatural, that surprises me.

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Crowley: I have refined tastes.

Virginia: I bet your bedroom is hot pink.

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Crowley: Look, lady, you keep your homophobic stereotypes to yourself, I’m going back to playing Ghast.

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Virgina: So what’s Ghast doing?

Ghast: I’m telling a ghost story.

Alouette: To whom? I’m playing with my bird.

Ghast: Just sit down already.

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One ghost story later…

Alouette: That story was lame.

Ghast: Fine, let’s just go home Ditz.

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Virginia: Really? You’re just going to have them watch TV?

Crowley: I got better ideas.

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Ghast: You wanna play house? Well then let’s play house.

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Ditz: Um, what are you doing?

Ghast: Let’s go upstairs and I’ll show you where babies come from.

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Ditz: I thought you wished upon a star.

Ghast: Who told you that crap? Let me set things straight, sister.

And then Crowley went on to explain where babies come from, and I guess it went like this:

(I can’t embed this clip, so you’ll have to click on this link. Please come back when you’re done. Or go watch more Community, either’s fine with me.)

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So anyway, Ditz and Ghast have the sex.

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Ditz: So I’m pregnant now?

Ghast: Yep.

Ditz: How many babies do I have?

Ghast: Uh, I don’t know. Just roll a die.

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Ditz: SIX? WHAT THE HELL, MAN?

Ghast: HA HA HA SUCKS TO BE YOU!

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Ditz: You fucking jerk!

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Ghast: Two can play that game!

Ditz: Hey, I’m pregnant remember?

Ghast: Let’s just skip to the part where the babies are born.

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Ditz: OK. I had three boys and three girls.

Ghast: I named them Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby, and Cindy.

Ditz: Why?

If I have to explain this one to any of my readers, I’ll just get depressed.

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Virginia: Why are the babies all in the driveway?

Crowley: I guess there’s not enough room inside.

Virginia: Shouldn’t we just imagine a bigger house?

No, you shouldn’t. More work for me.

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Ghast: Babies sure cry a lot.

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Ditz: Because you’re supposed to feed them and love them.

Crowley: Fuck this, let’s age them up already.

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OK. Here’s Greg.

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This is Marcia.

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Here is… umm.. STOP THAT.

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Here is Peter.

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Next up is Jan.

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Bobby loves his daddy.

Ghast: Whatever. Can we play Hot Wheels now?

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And last and probably least is Cindy.

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Ditz: And now the babies have to learn how to walk.

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Ditz: And we teach them how to talk.

Ghast: Is that it?

Ditz: No, they also have to learn how to use the potty.

Crowley: Don’t be gross. Let’s just move this along, shall we?

Virginia: Fine. Just run the next batch of shots.

What ever you want, your majesty.

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This is Greg.

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Marcia.

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Peter.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sorry. Jan.

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Bobby looks like Nathan Fillion in comparison.

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Cindy. Sorry I called you least last time. Jan’s least.

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Crowley: Age them up again!

Cindy: But I don’t want to have another birthday!

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Look, I’ve already aged everyone else up, so eat your damn cake and like it.

Cindy: There’s cake?

Nope.

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Greg.

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Marcia.

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Peter.

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Jan. At least she didn’t almost scare me to death this time.

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Bobby’s still my favorite.

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Cindy. Talk about a butterface.

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Crowley: Those are some fucking ugly kids.

Virginia: Yeah, let’s play dinosaurs now.

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Virginia: DINO SMASH!

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Virginia: SMASH!

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Virginia: Smash.

Crowley: That would be the best commercial for NBC’s Smash ever.

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Staccato: What the hell, Virginia?

Virginia: Dollhouses suck. And did you really want this legacy to be just based on a dollhouse story?

Staccato: No, not really. That’s WAY too much work.

You’re telling me. Anyway that’s all for now. This chapter was all done as a homage to my wife Desmera’s lovely legacy, Daydreams and Fairy Tales. I’d also like to dedicate this chapter to Dolly Parton, and leave you with a cover of one of her songs by one of the most talented artists ever.

But above all this, I wish you don’t get found dead in a hotel.