Chapter 39: I’d Rather Be Playing Skyrim

Posted: December 11, 2011 in Deino, Enyo, EvilGenius, Honey Badger, Mr. Stevenson Wolff, Pemphredo, Rabid Wolff-Schlick, Staccato Mamba Kent, Virginia Wolff

Sorry, but it’s true. Gardening in the Sims is such a pain. But then I remembered, I have KITTIES!


Enyo or Deino is eating some kibble.

Enyo/Deino: What, you don’t know which one I am?

Sorry, I know Pemphredo is the one with white on his face, but that’s about it. Besides, you don’t know either!

Enyo/Deino: Well, how the fuck can I know if you don’t?

OK, OK, I think you’re Enyo. Because Deino has a fat face.


Deino: HEY! I do not have a fat face!

Virginia: Kitties!

Pemphredo: I have a suspicion that this small child is a vampire.

Because she is. So is every Sim in this household.

Pemphredo: WTF, man? Are you guys fatting me up to be some kind of vampire snack?

Maybe, five cats is a lot of cats, and I’ll have to figure out what to do with the extras sooner or later.

Pemphredo: *faints*


Paparazzi: What an impressing garden! Wait until I tell TMZ!

Yep, the media in this town continue to obsess over the weirdest things.


Thank god some of the plants are finally starting to die off. Here’s a tip for gardeners. Don’t grow eight of every type of plant unless you LIKE working from sun down to sun up.  Which reminds me of another tip: DON’T MAKE YOUR GARDENER A VAMPIRE! I swear it’s always summer in the Sims, because the days are so fucking long.


Rabid: What is this shit?

It’s the Vampire B Gone Elixir.

Rabid: I don’t want to drink it.

C’mon, show me how the little piggy drinks!

Rabid: That doesn’t make any sense.

OK, I was trying to get in the holiday spirit.

snort snort snort



Now drink up or I’ll make you watch that movie over and over.

Rabid: Fine, fine, I don’t want to turn this blog into TBS.




Rabid: I look the same.

Yeah, I wasn’t expecting much. NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

Now that he’s a normal ghost, I can make him garden 24/7 now. Yeah, I drag his sliders up, got a problem with that? It’s not like this is a real legacy.


Virginia: Mommy! Daddy! Hungry!

Your dad is at the science facility, and your mom is at work. I hired a babysitter to feed you.


Stupid-dumb-ass-waste-of-75-simoleons babysitter: Ooh! Empty fish tanks!


I learned that cats can ruin scratching posts.

Pemphredo: I didn’t do it.


Deino?: I am lonely.

Pemphredo: Get used to it, this simmer just ignores us.

Hey! I drag your social sliders up all the time!

Pemphredo: Oh yes, that’s so fulfilling!


EvilGenius: Funny, you don’t taste like honey.


Rabid is making great progress on his garden. His other family skills? Not so much.

Rabid: I think I hear a screaming child. However, this apple looks just perfect!

Yep, perfect apples are way more important than well-adjusted children.


Staccato: There’s a screaming hungry child in here, so you’ll have to speak up.


Staccato: I think he has a birthday coming up too.


Staccato: I’ll have to check my calendar to find out when. Fuck if I can remember.


Mr. Stevenson: I feel so loved.

Mr. Swanson’s—


Whatever. The kid’s third trait is Coward, to go with Clumsy and Couch Potato.


Rabid: Even though my kid’s clumsy, and is going to be a businessman, I suddenly got a wish to enroll him in the Sports Academy.


Mr. S.: Fuck this family.


Maybe if you had an imaginary friend, we’d keep you around longer.



Another $2200 down, hundreds of thousands to go to top gardener. Fuck the consignment store. Still haven’t gotten any veggies back, and it’s way too much trouble to cancel them one by one. I doubt any will ever sell again either.



Honey Badger: That string is fascinating, really, but could someone please clean up that pile of vomit over there?


Staccato: There’s vomit everywhere, whatever happened to that damn butler.

He got tired of sleeping in the garden and quit I guess.

Staccato: Some people are so picky.

I know, right?


Honey Badger: Roly polys!

Says they’re light beetles.

Honey Badger: Look like roly polys to me, who cares anyway, I’m gonna eat ‘em.


He doesn’t make it look easy.


Honey Badger: Some kitties eat bugs!



Meet the new butler: Willard something or other.

Willard: The sink is broken.

Why the fuck do you think you’re here?


Bad Enyo!

Deino: One. I am Deino.


Deino: Two. It is the sink, not me.


WOW! Both adults with their kid at THE SAME TIME!

Rabid: Why don’t you take a picture, it will last longer.

I did, did you forget how this blog worked?

Rabid: Oh yeah.


Staccato got a telescope so she could raise logic for her hospital job. I bet you forgot she worked in the medical career.


We got our first stray kitty visit! I tried to get the other cats to interact with him, but it kept dropping from their queue. Stupid EA.


Honey Badger: Be vewwy vewwy quiet, I’m hunting turtles.

I like turtles.


Turtle: Don’t you fuck with me, I was taught by Splinter.


Donatello: You asked for it! *whips out bō*


Honey Badger: I caught you a feather.

Rabid: I thought you said you were going to bring me a turtle.

Honey Badger: Oh, you don’t want a turtle. I heard they have salmonella.


Meanwhile, Staccato has been told at work she has to investigate some kind of mystery or some shit, so she has to get information from some lady named Genevieve.

Staccato: I look like Randolph Mantooth in this get up.

Genevieve: Who?

Staccato: Don’t worry about it, it’s one of those jokes that none of the readers will get.


Staccato: Now tell me what I want to know! MWAHAHA!

Genevieve: Perhaps you should get to know me better, like that pop up just said. And also, stop being freaking creepy.


Speaking of creepy… WTF?


Anyway, eventually after many boring social interactions Staccato gets the information that I didn’t bother to read in the pop up and now has to go to City Hall for some reason. I don’t remember the medical career being so complicated.


But City Hall was closed, so it was skill up time. Seemed to be going slower than vampire skilling used to go. Guess EA fixed that bug. Figures. Yep, EA, you just stick to fixing the bugs that make the game easier.


Garden update: I’ve planted six perfect plants, but by the time I get the last two perfect plants harvestable, the first four will probably be dead, and I’ll have to plant them again… bah. As you can see, despite the multiple number of plants that died this chapter, my garden is still an unmanageable size.


Birthday time! Once again, the butler gets to hold the child.




Not good.


Deino: Later on, we’ll conspire… as we dream… by the fire…

Some of the household handled the disaster better than others.


It’s been too long since we’ve seen the fire department in this legacy.


Willard: Can I put the child down yet?

Um, probably not yet.


Firefighter: I wish that kid would stop screaming.

Yeah, she’s a bit upset. I wonder why?


That’s when I noticed some weird shit going down.


At first I thought the kittens were aging up, but they were still 2-3 days from adulthood. Then I realized it was the same graphic you get when you cilck on “replace.” So I think the kittens were being replaced instead of burning up or something.


Love the kitchen’s new look.


Finally, Virginia ages up.


Virginia: Wow, my cheeks are pretty sunken in.

Yeah, good thing you’re not the heir.

Virginia: That’s not niceSad smile

Sorry, did I hurt Skeletor’s feelings? That’s all for this time, I leave you with a video of Skyrim!

His bleep is upon my lips, his bleep is in my throat.
  1. Toast!! says:

    It took me an absurdly long amount of time to read this post. Everything kept popping up when I tried to read D:

    First off, I totally know who Randolph Mantooth is AND I get the joke. Surprised? 😛

    I totally get you about the garden thing. The first gen my DITFT, my spouse was basically a single parent, my founder spent morning, noon and night working the garden…the work NEVER finished. Someone needs to make a mod to make gardening time shorter.

    Cat barf…ickeeeeeeeee.

    That is really weird about the kitties. That’s also the animation for when things teleport (according to wordpress, teleport isn’t a word…and neither is wordpress o.O). …MAYBE they’re magical kitties?

    Speaking of kitties, Deino’s face was far too guilty for that to have been the sink water. /just sayin’

    Also, Honey Badger…adorable as always. 😀 I know you’d rather play Skyrim, but I’m happy for Loonies 😀

  2. ringoosu says:

    My mother would watch Perry Mason every afternoon when I was a kid in syndication. Immediately after it was Emergency! I didn’t realize at first that Locke’s father on Lost was Mantooth’s partner Kevin Tighe. He’s also the bad guy in Roadhouse.

  3. StyxLady says:

    Eek fire! Hope everyone survived. I bought my husband Skyrim for Christmas…but I’m kind of excited to try it myself. XD

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