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Staccato Mamba: Welcome back to Got To Keep the Loonies on The Path, the best Sims blog on the web. You love GTKTLOTP. It is much better than Cats. You are going to read it again and again.

Um, what are you doing?

S. M.: Nothing.

You’re creepy.

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In case you missed Darlene Kent, here she is again. In case you didn’t miss her, well fine. She didn’t miss you either!

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Kent Kent is getting off work at his not suspicious at all warehouse.

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Cop: No, it’s very suspicious. In fact, Belisama told us exactly what you were up to. Come with me, Mr. Kent.

Kent: My own wife ratted me out? What the hell.

Cop: Wait, I just got another call. Wait right here, I’ll be back to arrest you later.

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Kent: OK.

You’re actually gonna just wait there?

Kent: You have to do what the police say.

Some future Emperor of Evil you are.

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Vlad: Hey Kent, what’s up?

Kent: I’m waiting for the police to come get me.

Vlad: Really? Why not just shoot them or something? Or even better, just leave?

Kent: That would be wrong.

Vlad: You’ve read your job description right?

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Belly: Ha ha, I got my stupid boring husband arrested.

Harley: I like dancing!

Harley, that’s all you ever do, dance like a moron, and I’m sick of it.

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There, I sold your stereo.

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Harley: Party pooper.

Look, you made Belisama dance until she couldn’t stay awake. You should be ashamed of yourself. How old are you now anyway?

Harley: My thing says 100 days. But it’s said that for weeks now.

He is never going to die. Let this be a lesson simmers, don’t let your sims become mummies.

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Hungry: Hey Kent, I came to see if I could flirt with you, and maybe you’d rather woohoo than stand in the sun and rot.

Kent: Aren’t we related?

Hungry: Bah, who keeps track of that stuff.

I know the Sims doesn’t, I’d make a family tree if the game didn’t go around deleting the in game one before I could remember who was who. But I think Hungry, is Clarka’s daughter, and Kent is Clark’s grandson and Ethan was Hungry’s first cousin, so Kent and Hungry are first cousins once removed. So that makes Rabid and Staccato Mamba second cousins once removed to each other. And I’m my own grandpa.

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Kent: Hmm, I can smell my own flesh burning. I hope that cop comes back soon.

He really had “Wait” and “Jail” locked in his queue and I couldn’t delete it. I guess I could have reset him, but it’s only Kent.

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Hungry: Lady, I’m sorry I cheated on you last chapter.

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Lady: That’s ok. Do I know you? Are you the nurse who gives me my pudding? Let’s make out.

Hungry: Old people rock.

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Lady: I’ve been to the moon!

Hungry: Then again, senility gets old fast, I’m out of here.

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Hey, where’d Kent go? I guess he got tired of waiting. He left behind a mess though.

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Oh. I guess that mess IS Kent.

Death: I THINK THIS IS MY DUMBEST CUSTOMER EVER.

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Kent looks cooler as a ghost, though.

Death: DO YOU THINK IF I TOLD HIM TO WAIT FOR ME TO COME BACK HE WOULD STAND HERE FOREVER?

Yeah, but that would be a lot like shooting fish in a barrel.

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Bunny Vampire Toddler has no idea her daddy just died. Or that she’s about to become an orphan because…

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Cop: Belisama Kent! You are under arrest! Just wait there a moment though.

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Belly: I don’t think so!

Like I was going to let the cops kill off ALL my vampires.

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Belly, what the hell are you driving?

Belly: My lemon car.

Hellz no. I didn’t earn over 2 million simoleons for my family so you could drive POS cars.

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Belly: Maybe a drink at The Prosper Room will help me get over my husband’s death.

You mean the husband you ratted out to the police?

Belly: Shut up.

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Pianist: And here’s a song I wrote especially for Belisama Kent!

Did you use “Think about me” on her?

Belly: *whistles innocently*

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Jeffrey Cook: This drink is lousy! What kind of bartender are you anyway??

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Bartender: I’m really an accountant.

Jeffrey: Ugh, I’m going back to the bar that has the women in the swimsuits serving drinks.

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Nothing ghosts love more than playing video games! Hungry, why don’t you sit on the same couch as Monk?

Hungry: Ghosts have cooties.

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Can someone please explain to me why maids and butlers just won’t finish my laundry, even with four pairs of working washers and dryers available?

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Meanwhile, Vlad and Belly are really hitting it off.

Belly: Exercising is awesome!

I guess it is if you can get zero to 10 athletic in one exercise session… personally, I’d rather watch TV.

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Vlad: So now that we established we have so much in common, how about we put one of these beds to use… Hey, did you just change clothes?

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Belly: Yeah, I got to go to work.

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Later that night, Vlad had better luck.

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Yep, just a bit better, I’d say.

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OK, quite a DAMN bit better.

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Hungry: Hey Belly, you planning on raising this kid anytime soon?

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Seriously, where the hell is that butler?

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I get the feeling she’s in this for the free bed.

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Hungry: A dressing dummy would do a better job of raising you.

S. M.: DUMMY!

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Dammit, he’s dancing again. Time to sell another stereo.

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There, you can just quietly watch TV and stop distracting the other sims.

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Harley: Come dancing! It’s only natural.

No, they’re not going to come dancing *sells guitar*

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Just clean the damn house. No one else will.

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That’s a good mummy. Wouldn’t this make an awesome detergent commercial? I can picture it now…

Harley: Are you happy with your wash?

Shopper: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Congratulations Hungry on your promotion to Lead Actress.

Hungry: I’m replacing Sandra Bullock in Speed 3: Automatic Pilot.

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Hungry then visits the theater to pick up her Green Orb award.

Hungry: This is the filthiest theater ever! Look at all the bugs!

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Belly: Yes you are the father! What the hell? Who else would I have slept with??

Vlad: Your husband?

Belly: Oh yeah, I had a husband.

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Vlad: I’m finally gonna be a father!

Belly: What about Rabid?

Vlad: Oh yeah, I have a son.

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Belly: So Vlad and I are having a baby, and we thought we’d just go ahead and move out and start a new life together, kthxbye.

Hungry: Congrats, I’m happy for you? (Hmm, I think she’s forgetting something.)

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Hungry: Crap!

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Hungry: I feel like I’ve spent more time with this kid than I did my own.

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Rabid: I just got 10 levels of drums!

Show off.

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They’ve all gone to the Brightmore for a birthday party! Is it Belly’s birthday?

No…

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Is it Rabid’s?

No…

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Is it Hungry’s?

Well, yes, but we’re not celebrating it because the game for some stupid reason wouldn’t let be blow out her candles or age her up, so I guess I’ve got two immortals in my household.

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But no birthday party of mine is gonna end with no payoff, so the bartender has to take a bullet.

Bartender: But I’m only 37!

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Not anymore! Sucker!

Tune in next time when the bartender probably dies of old age.

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